Cam

My brother, Cam, got married a week ago today. It was a wonderful occasion. We are all very aware that Cam is incredibly blessed to have his wife, Kyla at his side. She's the full package. Smart, beautiful, kind and funny. She balances him, organizes him and has demonstrated that she will love and care for him no matter the circumstances.

However, because Cam is my only sibling, because he just got married and because I can, I want to take some space to talk about the kind of guy that Kyla's married. It's often been noted in literature that there is no one in the world that is a closer genetic match to you than your sibling. There is no one else, who when your parents are gone, will be able to remember your early lives other than your siblings. They are often your first playmate, your first adversary and your first defender. For Cam and myself this is the case.

My parents basically gave me Cam as a present on my 3rd birthday. That was the first day I met him. Born the night before, he had breathing complications that saw him rushed to the NICU before my mom even got to hold him. Obviously he survived but he scared my mom out of having anymore children. As I sat there on my mom's hospital bed looking at him, I was very puzzled as to why they were naming him after a camera. I distinctly remember thinking 'he sure doesn't look like a camera'.

Cam was my first playmate. We both had amazing imaginations and as a bonus, Cam was the more laid back of the two of us and was usually happy to go along with whatever I decided we were playing. We slid down the stairs on couch cushions, built forts, flew Barbie/G.I Joe helicopter missions, played street  and hallway hockey together. When it was windy outside we would imagine we were preparing for, and then running from a tornado. Cam happened to have blue carpet and a Captain's bed in his room which made for an instant game of fishing, sailing and being rescued from sharks when we fell overboard.

There are a few family stories that revolve around me mistreating my brother. Notably that I put him in the dryer once (though I didn't do it maliciously) and that I held him under water in the kiddie pool (I did do that maliciously). I may have also witnessed Cam taste testing three different types of soap and dog treats. However, it was Cam who all on his own, dumped a box of salt straight into his mouth thinking it was sugar. It was Cam who took the oil can and oiled EVERYTHING in dad's workshop and Cam who decided to build a new electrical appliance out of old spare parts and then attempted to plug it in to the wall. Fortunately mom's spidey-sense was tingling and she caught him just as the plug headed for the socket.

Sometimes, after I had received a severe punishment and was crying in my room, Cam would come in and hug me and try to make me laugh. I remember standing in the school yard one day in elementary school while a group of bullies hurled insults and threats at me. Cam saw me and he simply walked over ignored the bullies and taking me by the hand, led me away. That was the type of kid my little brother was.

Now I want to talk about the type of man Cam is today. There are some things I continue to share with my brother. We are both extremely avid readers. We both love dogs. We enjoy debating politics and current events. Cam's the only person who could get away with phoning me at 8 a.m. on a Saturday just so we could debate the Wildrose Party vs. the Conservative party while we're still lying in our respective beds. We enjoy hiking, soccer and hockey and we both love that we're Albertans. Cam is one of the only people who can get away with calling me by my full name.

Cam makes an effort to converse with every person in the service industry he meets. Whether they are a waitress, janitor, salesperson or cashier, at the very least he will have learned their name and how their day is going before he leaves, if not more. He takes the time to thank them with sincerity for the job that they do. Cam is the type of guy who will go out and pick up a friend in the middle of the night when they need a designated driver. He's the kind of guy who will spot you the money to pay for your meal and then tell you later not to worry about it. He's the guy who can listen to you rant about your most recent problem and he won't tell you that you're being irrational, even if you are. Cam will even walk you to your car to make sure that you get there safe. One of the best things about Cam is that when you are feeling blue he will do his best to cheer you up and make you laugh.

When I was on practicum, Cam took two of his days off just to come babysit my dog for me. After Cam got rid of his truck he went back to the yard and got permission to take off the tailgate just because I'd asked him if I could have it for a friend. Cam took me with him to pick out an engagement ring, not because he needed me but because he knew it would mean a lot to me. Just before his wedding Cam spent most of a day with me while I ran the most boring errand ever. When I walked down the aisle at his wedding and finally made eye contact with him through the tears that were welling up he smiled at me and in typical Cam-fashion said "Hey, how's it going?"

At his own wedding reception Cam was down on the ground with a server trying to pick up the shards from someone's broken glass. He danced numerous times with the four-year-old flower girl and he stopped to take a meal to our grandfather's room because he was too ill to come to the wedding. Earlier that day Cam related that he was "marrying the love of my life" and he meant it very seriously.

Cam is the type of guy who told Kyla very early on in their relationship that he doesn't believe in "taking a break". He figures that if that is the case you might as well end the relationship. He believes that if you are willing to "take a break" then you are not willing to try to work through tough times and disagreements. If you are not committed enough to stay by your partner's side when things get rough then you're not ready to be in a relationship. Pretty wise stuff eh?

That's Cam. He loves Kyla, he's committed to her and he's an over all really, really good guy, not to mention a great brother.

So, sorry girls. My brother? He's taken.

Awesome Thing #5 ~ Weddings!

I always try not to over-romantacize weddings. I would rather go with the thought that the wedding is only one party out of a whole marriage. Maybe this is because as a kid I always thought I would jinx my own chances of getting married if I planned for it - kind of a "don't count your chickens before they've hatched" type of thing. So I wasn't/haven't been one of those girls whose had it all planned out since I was knee-high to a chipmunk.

The lack of my own wedding plans however, has in no way diminished my absolute love of weddings. Any wedding. I've been to traditional church weddings, backyard weddings, mountain weddings and even a surprise wedding in a park. I've been fortunate enough to have been a flower girl, a bridesmaid, a soloist, a speaker and a photographer at weddings. I've watched my grandmother re-marry after being widowed, I've watched close friends marry and I've celebrated with coworkers who have taken the plunge. I have yet to meet a wedding I didn't enjoy. 

After all, what's not to enjoy!? Family, friends, food, entertainment, beautiful dresses and ambience, gifts, speeches and memories. It's like an extra Christmas. On top of that, you get to share in the special day when two people you care about pledge their commitment to each other for the rest of their lives. It's an event that has the potential to remind you, once again, about what's important in life. 

There is one wedding experience that I have anticipated for a long, long, long time. Probably ever since I forced my little brother to marry his GI Joe to my Barbie. I definitely thought about it again when as teenagers my brother and I went out to a driving range and he told me that he was buying a promise ring for his then six-month girlfriend. Now there is an engagement ring on the left hand of that same "six-month" girlfriend and wedding planned for September! 

My brother marrying the love of his life. . .

AWESOME!!!!!

My brother marrying the love of his life, ensuring that my "almost-like-a-sister-in-law-friend" will officially be my sister-in-law. . . . .

EVEN MORE AWESOME!!!!!

My Mom's Story: Part II - "As Long as We Both Shall Live"

My mother is one of those people lucky enough to be living a real-life love story. I am not being dramatic in the slightest when I say this. Anyone who has spent even a small amount of time with my parents as a couple knows that it’s true. I’ve learned a lot about relationships and marriage from my parents. People have often told me that my parent’s relationship is not the norm. I can’t really speak to that. I can say however, that I’ve decided that my mom’s fairytale marriage is probably about 10 percent Disney magic and 90 per cent hard work, mutual effort and commitment. If you hadn’t guessed from the last post, that slightly rebellious young man was my dad, Sandy. Let’s keep in mind that Mom was only 15 years old which means that as it stands today, my mom has spent more of her life together with my dad than she has apart from him. However, I also want to be clear before I continue that my mother is not simply the sum of her beautiful marriage but that it is a large part of her life and one of the greatest gifts she has given me as a mother. It’s the most natural way to continue this story.


The “magic” part began on January 22, 1977. My parents agree wholeheartedly that this day marked their first date together. However, they also wholeheartedly disagree on what they did. My dad says that they went to a party at his friend’s house. My mom always counters that her parents would never have allowed her to go to a party. She remembers that they went to a movie. This is always a fun conversation to listen to. Sometimes I think that surely one of them knows that the other is right but keeps up the premise just because it’s entertaining. Regardless of what they did their first date it was a success because it was the first of many. My mom once told me that they hadn’t been dating long when she told her mother that she thought he was “the one”. My grandma was skeptical of course - though it didn’t take long for her to accept Sandy as a permanent fixture. My mom has also said that she probably would have married him as a teenager if her parents hadn’t strongly preferred a longer courting period. There were other rules that they were held to while dating.

Curfew. If my dad brought my mom home late she would find all the doors to the house locked. They recall her dad coming to the door in his underwear and glaring at Sandy before letting his daughter in.

The “Sunday Rules”. On Sundays you went to church with your family. Then you could have dinner with one family or the other. You were not allowed to play cards, go to the movies or to parties or bowling on Sundays.

Limited PDA (public displays of affection). You weren’t supposed to hug or kiss or have hands placed on knees etc. Maybe you could put your arm around their shoulders and once in awhile you could hold hands. . .but probably not on Sundays.

My dad believes that my mom made him a better man from the start. She believed in him and supported him and being madly in love has always been a motivator. My dad’s dream was to be an RCMP officer and it was during this time with my mom that he really began making changes to move his life into that career path. My mom knew that she wanted to marry and raise children with the love of her life. After nearly six years of growing together as young adults, weathering their first trials, separations for work and other life events they committed their lives to each other in holy matrimony for “better or worse, rich or poor and in sickness and in health” on September 18, 1982. This promise requires not only love but also maintenance and patience. My parents have been making it look easy for almost 30 years.

A few of the many things I’ve learned about marriage from my Mom

It’s an equal partnership: Marriage isn’t just some all encompassing term for being with your “soulmate” or “best friend” or other goopey-gushiness. It’s not a security blanket or a financial umbrella. It’s not a wedding and it’s certainly not a baby. It’s not meant to always be sunshine, rainbows and pink bunnies. It is a binding partnership with a foundation of love. A partner is defined as someone who takes part in an undertaking with another with shared risks and profits. For my mom this means that in all things she must always work together with my dad. They need to work toward the same goals and they need to share the workload along the way while still playing to each others strengths and weaknesses. There always needs to be room for compromise, changes in the plan and patience and understanding. They succeed together and they fail together. They celebrate each other’s victories and they comfort each other during trials. In everything the effort put forward is equal and the love remains mutual. Love is most definitely the foundation of a good marriage but it’s not necessarily what makes it grow.

Respect: As a kid I remember telling school mates that my parents didn’t fight. Those kids used to look at me like I was completely naive and told me that my parents had to fight, they probably just didn’t do it in front of me. In reality, my parents really didn’t fight, probably because my mom believes in tackling problems head on and not stewing and bottling up emotion. Of course they’ve had disagreements and likely they’ve even had some heated discussions though those discussions never did fall on my ears. In all disagreements though my parents have retained a high level of respect for each other. Now, before I continue on what I know could be interpreted as a debatable topic I would say that I have no intention of judging anyone’s marriage or relationship. Your approach to your marriage is your own and what works for some couples does not work for others. I am only reflecting on what I’ve observed. My parents do not yell at each other, they don’t raise their voices even and they certainly never raise a hand to each other. It’s just not necessary. They believe that when you love someone you want to hear them out, you want to try and understand their point of view and you want to find a solution that suits you both. You think before you talk to avoid saying something you’ll regret later. This might mean walking away and agreeing to talk later but it never means refusing to talk or bottling up emotions. It means respecting your partner enough that your problems with each other are not water cooler topics at work. My mother will never “bad talk” my father in front of anyone. She will never call him by any derogatory names or adjectives and she will never seek to embarrass him in front of peers. It doesn’t matter how mad or frustrated she is. Those type of actions are anti-productive and are ideally not how you should really treat anyone, much less someone you love.

The love is in the little things: One of my favourite memories about my parents is watching them make dinner together. A song would come on like “Lady in Red”. First my parents would start singing it and by the end of it they would be slow-dancing together around the kitchen floor. I knew my parents really really loved each other because of the little things they did for each other. Whether it was timing supper around a hockey game to make sure dad wouldn’t miss anything to picking up a new kitchen gadget or Scottish knickknack just because she knew he would like it, my mom has taught me that actions speak just as loudly or louder than words. Showing that you care is part of the upkeep of a happy marriage. In true “Prince Charming” form my dad loves spoiling my mom. She’s had a marriage filled with bouquets of flowers, “just because” gifts and special date nights.

These are only three things I’ve learned from my mom’s marriage. I know that they work because my parents marriage is quite seriously one of the most beautiful things I’ve ever seen. She’s an amazing wife and partner to my dad and I can only hope that I’ve learned enough to contribute similarly to my own marriage if I’m so blessed at some point.

As I stated at the beginning of this post, my mother is not simply the sum of her awesome marriage. She knows about sacrifice, about making the best of all situations, about being a career woman and most notably to myself, about mothering.

To be continued. . .