Firm, Fair and Friendly

Constable McKechnie at Millgrove School

In front of our old house on Millgrove Drive

Some of you know my Dad as Sandy or Mr. McKechnie or maybe as Corporal McKechnie. Some of you might remember him as “Alexis’ and Cam’s dad” even. However, I think a lot of you might remember him as “Constable McKechnie”, the policeman who came and walked around the school during recess, chatting with you about staying safe, listening to you tell him about “this one time. . .” and maybe giving you a sticker or pencil or lapel pin.



I’m writing this for you today. Well, for you, and in honor of my dad. Today, June 26, my Dad, Corporal McKechnie, known by many as Constable McKechnie, is retiring from the RCMP after over 25 years of service.

I could write pages on being an RCMP family, about my dad’s stories, about how proud I am of him, my memories of him. Seriously, pages worth of memories. However, I’ve decided to try and impart a couple of things in this post in honor of dad’s retirement. The first is his policing philosophy.

I want you to know and be assured that the “nice policeman” who talked to you on the playground really was a truly kind and fair police officer throughout his career. It may seem biased coming from me, but I say this feeling confident that hundreds of people that have dealt with my dad through the years would back me up.

Dad’s policing philosophy has always been “Firm, Fair and Friendly”. He has a gift for speaking to people, understanding them and relating to them. Dad taught us that people end up in bad situations because they’ve made poor choices. This does not necessarily mean that they are “bad”, “rotten” or unworthy of kindness. He is a firm advocate that in day-to-day dealings police officers should be treating men and women the way that they would want their own mother or father, brother or sister treated. It was always noted that authority in the law did not give a police officer the right to act as though they were a “better breed” than the regular citizen.

In fact, when my dad came to Millgrove School to walk around and talk to us during recess it was because he wanted you to learn from a young age that he was not an enemy; that he was there to help you; that police officers can be trusted.

I can’t tell you how many times we would meet a client of my dad’s while we were grocery shopping who would tell me what a wonderful man my father was, about how much he had helped them in their situation. Even when dad was dealing with people who were on the wrong side of the law people thanked him! Some of these folks turned their lives around eventually and remembered dad from their more troubled youth. That’s another thing that I’m glad dad taught me - that people can change. Not every one does, but it is possible. People should not be considered write-offs.

Since being transferred to Red Deer, Dad has been the head of the Domestic Violence Unit. He’s been working with women who have been abused by the men in their lives and concurrently has also been encouraging those men who want to change their abusive behavior.

However, in all of the good work that my dad has been doing through the years we all  know that the world can be a dark and scary place. So I want to impart a second thought. I would like to talk about what it’s like to send your dad to work every day in this sometimes disparaged world. I want to write this too for all of my friends who now work in emergency services.

Dancing at his Depot Graduation

As a paramedic who grew up with a parent in emergency services I feel I have a view from both sides. I remember lying in bed as a little girl praying to God, bargaining with God, that I would be a good girl if only he would keep my daddy safe from the bad guys. I prayed to God that I would never hear the doorbell in the middle of the night. I knew that would mean my daddy was dead.
One morning, when I was about 10, I woke up and heard my parents laughing in the kitchen. I walked in and saw my dad, stitches in his head, a bloody bandage around his elbow. I distinctly remember the feeling of my heart dropping into my stomach and I sat down right there on the floor. But dad laughed at one of his own jokes before coming to give me a hug and assuring me that he was alright, that he had just gotten into a tumble with someone who had stopped taking their medications.
When I was 20 my mom and I woke up one morning to discover that Dad had never come home. He wasn’t answering the phone. Mom called the dispatch center and asked where he was. Again the feeling of dread returned when the dispatcher became panicky realizing that no one knew what had happened to him. Luckily this also had a happy ending as dad was at an emergency scene and had a miscommunication with dispatch. We all know that other police families have not been so blessed.

I have heard some of my coworkers discuss how they feel guilty when they have to miss their kid’s events due to shift schedules. I would say that although I’m sure there were times when I was disappointed that my dad couldn’t be there, I don’t have any actual memories of disappointment. I remember always being proud that my dad’s job was to help people. I remember the events that he did make it to, especially the ones that he came to in uniform. As long as you make the most of the time you spend with your children and as long as you don’t bring the job home with you, your profession will not wreck your children.

I would like to end with a request. Likely, many of us have had an unpleasant experience with a police officer, I know I have. On top of that the news pelts us with stories of police shootings, brutality, and unprofessional conduct. Before you paint all police officers with the same brush, before you find a police officer guilty in your own judgement, before you post some story about police brutality in a mob situation and especially before you talk disparagingly about the police in the presence of your children, remember the little children who are praying that their daddy comes home safe. Consider that for every police officer who is rude, impatient and arrogant there is one good one like my dad.

I would ask you to stop and remember Constable McKechnie, that kind policeman that talked to you at recess.

Bungy Jumping - Just Let Go

In July of 2009 I climbed above a rainforest canopy in Cairns, Australia and proceeded to jump and fall 50 metres with nothing but a tea towel (I kid you not) and a harnessed gigantic rubber band attached to my ankles.

It was one of the best things I have ever done in my entire life. I would honestly recommend it to anyone. You won't regret going through with it.

Going through with it the first time - that's the tricky part, even when you have every intention of following through. I left home for Australia already planning to make that jump. You may not know it by looking at me, but I'll pretty much try anything once (the exception being food - there  are some things I don't feel the need to ever put in my mouth). Bungy jumping had been on my list-of-crazy-things-to-do for awhile and when the day came to head to the rainforest I was totally pumped.

I was the only girl in the group willing to do it and I energetically led the climb up the 196 stairs to the top. The next thing I knew I was volunteering to go first and a tea towel was being wrapped around my ankles. I remember being thankful that I didn't have a fear of heights and for my EMS training as I had remarkable control over my adrenalin and had no pre-jump jitters. At least not until I shuffled my toes to the edge of the platform, looked out to the Great Barrier Reef and fully realized that I was actually going to have to voluntarily jump head-first off this tower. My right hand grabbed the conveniently placed bar and the thought ran through my head that I wasn't going to be able to do it. I still had no fear of heights but I sure learned that I had a fear of relinquishing control and jumping head first.

Thankfully, the jump tech makes a living out of convincing people to let go of that darn bar. From the moment he saw my hesitation he began talking softly and calmly to me. He told me three things.
1. Just put out your arms, take a deep breath and jump. Trust me, you won't die.
2. It seems scary right now but I promise, when you let go and let yourself fall, it will be the most exhilarating feeling of freedom ever!
3. You will never regret doing this and you can go home knowing that you've accomplished what you set out to do.

I chose to believe him. So on "1" I let go of the bar. "2"- I stretched my arms straight out from my sides. "3!"- I pushed off and let my self fall headfirst. A quick scream and then absolute euphoria filled me as I felt the freedom of falling without that fear of imminent death. The giant rubber band snapped me back up and I bounced around as I laughed uncontrollably. The idea that few short seconds ago I had been terrified to let go of a bar seemed ridiculous. I remember telling the guy that rowed out to me in the rubber dingy to hurry up and let me down so I could climb back up there and jump again. Then that's exactly what I did, except that now I was near giddy to let myself fall again.

Like I said,  it was one of the best experiences of my life and a good reminder that just because you think you want to commit to something and because you plan to commit doesn't necessarily mean that when it's time to jump you're not going to hang on to that bar of fear.

I've realized that's what it's like for a lot of us when it comes to Christ. Maybe you're like me. I grew up loving Jesus and going to church. When I was 12 I decided I wanted to be a Christian. I was eager and enthusiastic. I thought I was living for the Lord. It wasn't until I was an adult that I realized that I was still on top of that platform holding onto the bar for dear life. I had wanted to be there all along but when the time came I wasn't willing to let go of my life, trust God and fall headfirst into the new life Jesus was waiting to give me.

So I stood there trembling in fear and second guessing my decision. Thankfully, God provided me with experienced jump techs who basically assured me of those same three things that convinced me to jump that first day in the rainforest. They reassured me with Jesus' promise of eternal life, freedom, and a trip home with no regrets.

Even if you're a Christian, are you a Christian who was enthusiastic to get to the top but you're still there holding onto a bar or are you a Christian who decided to relinquish all control to Christ and jump headfirst into His plans?

In July of 2012, after a long time waiting at the top and many fears, I jumped headfirst into a new life with nothing but trust and faith in God's love and promise. It is the best thing I have ever done in my entire life. I would honestly recommend it to anyone. You won't regret going through with it.

Just let go.

God Brought Me Winter Tires

I'm not half-bad at playing house. I say playing house because that's what it feels like. Like not that long ago I was three feet tall and baking an imaginary cake in my imaginary kitchen and now I bake real cakes in my real kitchen in my beautiful house while throwing in a load of laundry, paying the bills, determining the most efficient heating strategy for the winter and trying to dust the living room before the timer on the cake goes off. I enjoy it. And like I said, I'm not half bad at it. I'm only around a 7 on the scale organizational awesomeness but when it comes to domestic ability it seems to do the trick most of the time.

The rest of the time it's not enough. Playing "real" house is hard work sometimes. Staying on top of everything requires vigilance, money and motivation. There are some parts of playing house that escape me at times, like changing the batteries in the smoke detector (whoops), keeping track of which week the town graces us with the favour of disposing of our garbage as it seems to change every month, shovelling my driveway and most sadly, keeping up with my car maintenance.

My poor car. I love it dearly though you would never know by looking at it. You'd think I'd be nicer to it considering its the only thing that's gotten me safely from point A to point B in the crazy-insane amount of driving I do. However, I usually take it completely for granted, that is until I start to feel that familiar vibration. You see, much like its owner, my sweet little car has a bit of an autoimmune disease that causes it to prematurely wreck its own tires. It can't be fixed. So my car and I, we go through a lot of tires. That's downright pricey.

I think any home owner would agree that home-owning in general is pricey and that when it comes to finances some months are better than others. This is not a particularly stellar month in the cheque book. In fact, I would describe this month as being a traumatic hemorrhage of money. Not a AAA per say, but not a paper cut by any means either. But what's a gal to do? I guess I'd rather have a financial hemorrhage than an ITLS case study with my name in it because I drove with bald tires through an early October snow storm (oh wait, that's exactly what I did). So I set out to my local OK Tire shop to get a quote.

One of the many great things about living in a small town is the local business owners. I walked in to OK Tire and my tire guy knows me by name and he knows the make and year of my vehicle off the top of his head. He's the only mechanic I actually trust when he says he knows what's wrong with my ambulance - so my tire issue, he's got that covered. Unfortunately, even with a good deal, the price of winter rims and tires, along with the knowledge that I'd need to buy new summer tires in a few bitterly cold months was enough to make my eyes water. So as I stood there, comprehending which route of credit debt I wanted to take, God intervened.

Seriously! Groan or shake your head or do what you will but its the truth. Sometimes we wait a long time for an answer to our prayers and sometimes the answer is "no". However, every once in awhile God answers our prayers in such a way that we can not even consider denying his absolute presence in our lives. In this case God answered my prayer lickety-split and my eyes were then watery from the awe of His goodness.

What happened? Well, my tire guy looked up from his paperwork and paused as he stared blankly for a moment before saying, "Wait a sec, there was a guy in here earlier who mentioned he needed to get rid of some winter tires for your model of car. Should I make a call for you?" My head was nodding faster than a bobble-head doll on a grader. Within 24 hours my amazing tire guy had contacted the seller, inspected the tires and negotiated a price for me. This intervention cut my cost in half. On top of that, the seller also had summer tires that had barely been used that he also sold to me for an awesome price.

I'm thankful that my tire-guy was willing to go out of his way to help me and that there just happened to be a man in the store earlier that day looking to sell some tires from a vehicle just like mine. Most of all, I'm happy and eternally excited that I have a Lord for whom no issue is too big or small for Him to care about and that He is teaching me to see Him in the little things, call for Him during the little things and trust Him in the little things.

Even if it's just a set of winter tires.

Stumbling on a Blessing (a.k.a Remy the Really, Really Good Painter)

Blessings are good right? That's a dumb question. Of course blessings are good. Just the word carries positive connotations. I'd even say that most of us are fairly grateful for the blessings we've already received. After some discussion at Sunday school today however, I'm wondering if we can begin to stumble over our blessings. I'm thinking that we can let our blessings alter our attitude, prevent us from participating in open fellowship and prevent us from fully communing with the Lord.

To better illustrate my thoughts (and mostly for my own amusement) I'm going to use a fictional story about "Remy, the Really, Really Good Painter".

Remy lived in a community of painters. Some were admittedly really poor painters, some were average painters and some were pretty good painters. There were a couple that were really good painters. However, God blessed Remy and made him a really, really good painter.

Remy knew that God had blessed him with this gift. He was thankful for it too. People paid more money for his paintings and so he had a nicer house. He got a lot of publicity for his paintings and so everyone knew his name and complimented him on his work. He also had a number of beautiful paintings to decorate his home and to give to people as gifts. Yup, Remy was one blessed dude. However, Remy didn't always know what to do with such a big blessing. He didn't always know it, but sometimes it caused him problems.

 Remy was a genuinely good guy, so he had lots of friends. One day he was painting with his friends. Some of his friends had finger paintings, some had paintings made for calendars, but Remy - his painting was fit for the Louvre. Everyone gathered around it. "Wow, Remy, that's a really, really, good painting! That's incredible!" Remy knew that it was a really, really good painting but like most people in the community Remy valued humility and he didn't want to seem boastful so he contained his smile and just said, "thanks, but it's not a big deal, I don't really care about this one". His friends turned to sheepishly put their only half-decent paintings away.

Remy's friends would often ask him to help them with their paintings. After he helped them perfect a certain brush stroke or get the shadowing just right his friends would say "Remy, thanks very much for helping me. I really appreciate it." Again, Remy didn't want to seem prideful so instead of saying "you're welcome" or "glad I could help" he got into the habit of saying "no worries" or "not a problem". A few of his friends became more hesitant to ask for his help.

One day, Remy and his friends were sitting in the coffee shop discussing painting. His friends were lamenting about how they often had difficulties mixing the colour hyacinth purple. Sometimes they used too much red or other times not enough blue. Remy didn't have any trouble mixing hyacinth. He was having trouble lately mixing lagoon green though. It was becoming troublesome that he couldn't quite get it the way he wanted. He figured he couldn't really complain though - after all he wasn't having the issues with hyacinth that the others were having. So when his buddy asked, "Remy, are you having any problems with your painting?" Remy answered, "I can't complain, I'm very blessed." Soon his friends began to worry that maybe they couldn't relate to Remy anymore or maybe he didn't trust them with his problems anymore.

Remy was excited when he read the tender for the commission of a painting for a The Snazzy Yacht Club. If he was chosen it would bring in enough money to pay off the mortgage on his parents house and have a enough left over for him to build a studio, or maybe a painting school! He put in his application. However, when he knelt to pray before bed that night he decided not to ask God for the blessing of receiving the commission. He felt that would be selfish. God had already blessed him soooo much, especially with his talent for painting. Remy didn't get the commission.

The next day Remy ran into his church pastor at the local Art Gallery. "Hey Remy, how did you ever get that commission for The Snazzy Yacht Club?"
"No I didn't actually," said Remy.
"Oh, that's too bad. I supposed God decided to answer that prayer with a 'no' then eh?" Said the pastor who was a bit odd and had a habit of making awkward statements.
"I didn't talk to God about it," admitted Remy. "I thought it would be selfish to ask God for more blessings on top of the ones he's already given me."
"Hmmm," the pastor paused. "Well Remy, let me ask you this - If you heard a child asking their parent to feed them supper, even though the parent fed them supper the night before, and the night before that - would you think that child was selfish?"
"No, of course not," said Remy.
"Well Remy, remember you are a child of God."
Remy raised his eyebrows and nodded as he considered what the pastor's reminder. "I've never thought of it that way. I never considered that I could let my blessing get in the way with talking to God."

Remy began to consider where else his blessings were causing him to stumble. . .

~***~

So that's Remy the Really, Really Good Painter. Like I said I was thinking about this today as a few of us were discussing how sometimes we don't ask God for something, or we feel bad about asking God for something because we've already received so many blessings. We forget that God wants us to tell Him everything and that he wants to give us good things. Later on I began to think on what other issues could arise from our blessings.

The first and most obvious one I thought of was pride. It begins when we forget that we are nothing without God and start taking the credit for ourselves. However, we all know that arrogance and boasting is bad, so I moved on to thinking about things that might not be so obvious.

If feeling we're overly blessed could keep us from talking to God and keeping fellowship with Him then it could probably keep us from open fellowship with our friends. We don't want to sound like we're ungrateful and complaining so we don't open up to our friends about our day-to-day trials. We forget that there's a difference between complaining to our friends and open discussion and mutual support from our friends - especially when we face the same or similar issues. There can also be more humility in accepting a compliment with a simple thank you or accepting a thank you with a simple "you're welcome" than there is with trivializing it.

It was a new thought to me that even when God gives us a great blessing we run the possibility of stumbling while we strive to be humble and grateful for that same blessing. Just thought I'd share my thoughts. What do you think?

Enough

If you read this blog on a semi-regular basis and think to yourself, "man, she sure writes a lot of religiousy type stuff" I hope it doesn't annoy you too much. I don't mean to be preachy and I certainly hope I don't come off that way. I like to write what I know, what I wonder, and what I'm learning in the hopes that there's other people out there who can relate with me on these day-to-day things too. Thankfully for me, God is an every day, real part of my life, so He inevitably comes up in most of my writing. I can't really apologize for that. So if you're still reading this I guess you don't mind. Thanks for coming by here. I always enjoy reading messages or feel free to subscribe on the upper right hand area of the page. Anyhoo. . .

I don't know about you guys but when I was growing up I used to wonder what it was like to be an adult. When I was about 15, my mom helped me with a school project where we had to plan out a budget with a mortgage, bills, groceries etc. I don't remember the specific numbers but what my mom remembers was that I was in tears because based on the realistic budget I had created I was going to have to ride my bike everywhere as I wouldn't be able to afford car payments or gas.

Yes, on that day reality set in and I figured that being an adult mostly meant trying to balance a budget and deal with money woes.

A few years ago, I remember having the revelation that being an adult was all about problem solving. Which really it is, you constantly are solving problems and managing your time. However, I've decided that there's another facet to what adulthood feels like - inadequacy.

Do you ever feel like you're doing a less than adequate job in your life roles? My goodness, there's always something I feel I'm sucking at. If I don't feel like an inadequate friend than I'm an inadequate paramedic, an inadequate sister, an inadequate mommy to my my fur-baby, an inadequate Christian. 

On one hand it keeps a girl humble but on the other hand it's quite discouraging. I'm not smart enough, I'm not friendly enough, I'm not home enough, I'm not giving enough, I'm not helping enough, I'm not cleaning enough. I'M JUST NOT ENOUGH. 

It's enough to make a person nutty. So this week, when it just felt like I just couldn't keep up, couldn't do everything or know everything, when I couldn't give the love I wanted to give, find the time to meet with someone, keep up with the housework, get the car washed, run those long awaited errands or even get food I just had to stop.

Stop. Breathe. Forgive myself for not being what I expect of myself. Do what I can get done while I can do it. Then thank God, because God makes me enough. 

Truly, God knows that I can't do it and know it all. He just asks that I talk to him when I feel like a complete loser. He's the best person to talk to because He doesn't see me that way. Because Jesus died for me God only sees me with love. He is the one who makes me enough. 

Thank goodness for that. I may not be enough for another but I'm always enough for God. There's another saying I like to keep in mind too. "God doesn't call the qualified. He qualifies the called." You might think you're not up to the standard needed to get a job done, but rest assured, if God calls you to do something and you allow Him to work in your life, He will empower you to accomplish what he seeks. I have found this to be true. 

So yes, being an adult usually revolves around managing money, always revolves around problem solving and sometimes revolves around just trying to be good enough to make it through. As long as it always, always, always revolves around God I think we'll be more than okay.

Now to get going on that massive To-Do list. . .

"I pray that from from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with inner strength through His spirit. Then Christ will make His home in your hearts as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God's love and make you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. "

Ephesians 3:16-20

A Field of Glory

She was a rolling meadow small, skirts of grasses, but weeds as tall
Her wild flowers, untamed and fair led her to ignore the patches bare
Where not a green thing grew at all
And the sun, why she basked in its bliss, unaware
She was burning from its hot, dry kiss.

Then, one ragged day He came,
Plan in place He began to toil
His work, it ripped through and overturned her soil
Crushed her wild flowers down,
Uprooted the grasses of her gown
She cried in pain, "Just leave me be,
Can't you see you're hurting me?"

He did not stop but worked harder still,
He pulled the weeds that had grown so tall
All burrows were filled, so as not to fall
He broke the ground so dry and cracked
He was not discouraged by what she lacked

Horrified she looked around and all she saw was broken ground
Dusty field of brown and black, spread with muck on top of that
But now He whispered as He sowed
A promise of new life with every throw

"Shhh, small one, do not weep
My plans for you may seem but meek
But trust me and you won't be sorry,
I'll make you into a field of glory"

She ceased to cry and when she did
Tears from Heaven flowed instead
Rain immersed her ground and washed her clean
New growth, new life, she was redeemed

She loved Him now and bore His work
A meadow small she could not be
"I'll be His field of glory!"
She spoke determinedly

And where she had been stripped to dirt and dust
She grew straight and tall, leaving Him her trust
So now she wears an emerald gown
Her hair bright gold and eyes of sky
She dances in joy as the wind blows by

Because He's making her a field of glory
Fulfilling the promise that she won't be sorry
A song of courage and truth she hums
She knows she'll be with Him when the harvest comes.

~L.L.M.

The Unknown Future

Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the Kingdom

Luke 12:32

It would be so nice if the moment we became Christians we would be able to just trust God completely and be content with our lot in life. Unfortunately, if you’re anything like me, you may find that trusting God is like sunshine on a cloudy day. It feels so good when the sun is shining down on you with its bright, warm rays, but then a group of clouds pass over and suddenly its shadowy and cool and it goes back and forth like that between sun and cloud all. day. long. 

The peace that comes when you give your troubles to the Lord is such a comfort - but for me it always seems fleeting. Its not long before my worries or doubts cloud over again and I’m left wondering if I ever really trusted God with the issue in the first place. 

I’m particularly guilty of playing the “alternate universe” game. Its where your mind leads you to consider how your life may have looked if you had taken a different path that was offered to you in your past. I’m quite happy with where my life has taken me, so the little trips down reminiscence road are really a complete waste of time. What’s worse than this useless indulgence in the past however, is when I take the same game into the future which I have a feeling is a bit of an insult to God. After all, there is a difference between conscientious planning and responsibility in regards to the future and apprehensive, anxious preparations for a future that is unlikely to make you nearly as squirrelly as your pre-planning has made you.

What I’m getting at is that when I let my mind run amok with anxieties about what “could” happen or what “might” not happen - when I daydream about this possibility or that potential problem I’m not only being disrespectful to the God who has it all figured out for me, I’m being an irrational, stressed out moron. 

First, worrying is not a productive move. You can’t fix something that isn’t broken, you can’t plan a route when you don’t know your destination. My favourite saying about worry is that it’s like a rocking chair - it gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere. Trusting in God on the other hand. . .well. . .I guess it may not always feel productive but it allows you use your brain for more productive things while building your faith and its what we have been commanded to do. Personally, looking back at how things have unfolded in my life I can get a glimpse of God’s plan and it is stunning and beautiful thus far - why shouldn’t I trust Him?

Second, if I’m worrying about the future because I’m concerned about my happiness (which is usually why I’m worrying about the future) then I’m forgetting the point of my life in Jesus Christ. Circumstances never last and are always changing. If you are basing your happiness and your faith for that matter, on your life circumstances you will forever be in a cycle of searching, finding, doubting and disillusionment. Your happiness and contentment will be tied to what’s going on in your life and lets face it, what’s going on in your life will not always be rainbows, bunnies and butterflies. 

We need to remember that the only certain and solid thing in this life is God. Our happiness and contentment in this crazy world should to be tied to Him and Him alone. Nothing else can withstand the anti-rainbows, anti-bunnies and flies. There is no peace and lasting happiness apart from God. 

I “know” all this but sometimes its not enough. I’m the type of person that will probably always need to reconsecrate my future to the Lord. And since trust becomes stronger the better you know someone I need to continue to get to know the Lord by reading the Bible and hanging onto his words whenever I start to become consumed with worry. The other practice that can soothe this weakness is prayer. I really think that its not enough to just try to ignore a worry - you have to make the conscious decision to give it over the Lord and talk through it with Him. 

When you read this I would consider it a blessing if you would pray for me, that I might be able to hand over my worries and concerns to the Father and use my brain for more productive pursuits. If there’s anything you’ve found helpful when you get caught up in your worries I’d like to hear that too. 

"And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek His kingdom, and these things will be added to you.”

Luke 12: 25-31

A Free Gift from The King: Part 3

Salvation is not a reward for the good things we have done, so none of us can boast about it. -Ephesians 2:9, The New Testament (NLT version)

In the last post I did my best to explain simply and quickly how it is that we are saved from death. That it is because of our faith that God gives us the free gift of salvation, forgiving us our sins and making us new. Like I said, I can say that with all confidence. I stake my life on it.

What I didn't talk about in the last post is the debate about how "good works" fit into the picture. These would be considered the actions that make us "good people"; freely giving what we have to offer and practicing the virtues (patience, humility, love, kindness, etc). Honestly, this isn't what I want to talk about in this post, so I'm going to give my opinion with scripture and leave it at that for now so we can move on. I just think its a bit neglectful to write on justification by faith without talking about works.

I believe that "good works" are the result of your love for Christ. They are the fruits of being a Christ-follower, not the qualifications, because as I have been trying to explain, there is no way we "qualify" for God's grace by our actions. Salvation and good works to me go hand-in-hand, they cannot be separated. When you love God you want to do good works because you know it makes God happy and that in turn makes you happy. I don't want to say it's always the most natural thing to do, but every time we put away our own desires to help someone else we spiritually grow into more mature followers.

"And since it is through God's kindness, then it is not by their good works. For in that case, God's work  would not be what it really is - free and undeserved."

Romans 11: 5-7

"What good is it dear brothers and sisters, if you say you have faith but don't show it by your actions? Can that kind of faith save anyone? Suppose you see a brother or sister who has no food or clothing, and you say, "Good-bye and have a good day; stay warm and eat well" - but then you don't give that person any food or clothing. What good does that do? So you see, faith by itself isn't enough. Unless it produces good deeds, it is dead and useless."

James 2: 14-17

What I really want to discuss is how we lose our salvation. Actually, I don't want to even talk about the "how" part. I want to talk about the "we" part. I get this sense every once in awhile that Christians have this image of God coming down from Heaven with a fiery fist and taking the gift of their salvation away from them when they take a hard spiritual fall. Frankly, this just hasn't sat well with me, and I didn't figure out why until a little awhile ago.

God cannot be untrue to Himself. He will follow through with everything He has decreed because He is truth. He cannot be contrary. This is why He goes to the effort of creating covenants with us and why He had to give His son to save us from death, instead of just wiggling a finger and making the price of sin a life lived out with turkeys instead of eternal death. God is truth.

Therefore, God will not come down and take away salvation from you because you screwed up. Why? because God has given us a gift - a thing given willingly to someone without payment. Furthermore, He has told us that we are completely underserving of that gift, there is nothing we could do to deserve it.

Therefore, if salvation is a gift and there was nothing you could do to deserve it, then there is nothing you could do that could warrant God taking it away from you. First, because you don't take back a gift - otherwise it wouldn't be a gift. Secondly because if you didn't deserve it in the first place you can't really sink any lower, can you? Rest assured, it will not be God that causes you to lose your salvation.

However, let me be clear that you can lose your salvation. The operative word in that sentence is "lose" mind you. I am confident that God will not take the gift of salvation from you. However, once someone gives you a gift, they trust you to look after it and take care of it. If you lose that gift you're out of luck. This is how people lose their salvation. They might set it down for a bit and forget where they left it. They may lock it up and try to forget about it. They might let someone else take it away from them or they might drop it somewhere due to carelessness. Some have even sold it for material things.

You need to carry your salvation with you all of the time. You need to do maintenance on it and you need to be thankful that you have such a gift. As I was trying to illustrate in the allegory, if the King calls you home and you don't have the keys (the gift of salvation) on you, you're not going to be able to get in.

So you see, I'm very confident that you and you alone are responsible for the free gift that God gives you. He won't take it away. He loves you! He desperately wants you to be with Him. He has made you right in His eyes by the death of his son and has adopted you into the family. Of course He's not going to determine you're a moron undeserving of salvation because you made a mistake! When He sees you've lost your gift He cries and desperately wants you to go back and look for it, to find it again, polish it up, wear it with humility and talk to Him. He is your Father. He wants to do good things for you if you would accept His gift, look after it, and be ready to come home when He calls.

And we never know when that call is going to come.

A Free Gift from The King: Part 2

It's easy to get caught up in abstract and complicated ideas when it comes to theology. Sometimes I worry that I spend too much time debating the abstract and not enough time brushing up on the basics. I also worry about how people on the outside interpret the Christian faith. I fear that some have the impression of a people bound by rules and doctrines, who are constantly striving to be good enough while simultaneously telling others that they are not good enough. If this is how you view Christians I sincerely apologize. That is why I want to talk about what I consider to be a basic tenet of being a Christ-follower that I think some non-Christians would be surprised to learn about.

The little story I made up about the young, rebellious prince and the loving King in the last post, A Free Gift from The King Part 1, is an allegory to help explain this tenet. It's something we call "justification by faith alone".  You may also hear it paraphrased as "sola fide" - by faith alone. 

I'm going to be blunt here. Have you ever spoken to someone who has told you that in order to qualify for entrance into heaven you need to accomplish so many good deeds, dress a certain way, give a determined amount of money, be perfect, have never made a mistake, etc? They might have made it out to sound like a spiritual scavenger hunt or they may have made you feel like unless you start caring for children on the streets of Calcutta you are screwed.

I'm going to tell you with complete confidence that they could not be farther from the truth. If they truly believe they can earn their way into Heaven then they have totally missed the boat and I would be concerned that they are oblivious to the fact that they are drowning. There is nothing you can do to earn your way into Heaven. I can say this with confidence because New Testament authors take pages to try and explain this.

"Brothers, listen! We are here to proclaim that through this man Jesus there is forgiveness for your sins. Everyone who believes in Him is declared right with God - something the law of Moses could never do."

Acts 13:38, The New Testament (NLT version)

The Law of Moses was the rules that governed every aspect of Jewish life. Following these laws was considered necessary to be right with God. They included rules on what you could eat and not eat, how you planted your crops, how many tassels could be on your cloak, how you made tools and even how you had to deal with bodily functions like menustruation. Does this list of requirements sound vaguely familiar? The predominant-must-always-do-to-make-God-happy was the blood sacrifice of a pure and clean animal (often a sweet cuddly-wuddly little lamb). It was nuts! It was basically impossible to follow all of these laws to a T. Everyone who realized this was majorly stressed out as they did their best to check off everything on their scavenger hunt list. Then there were these guys called Pharisees who liked to go around pretending that all of these laws were totally reasonable and that they nailed every one of them all the time (they were lying) and that if they could do it, you should be able to do it too. 

But the regular folk were realizing that nothing they did was good enough to gain favour with God. Being stressed and preoccupied with all of these laws wore down the people and I think that over time they forgot how much God loved them. That's why they weren't really on their toes when God sent his son, Jesus (our Saviour, Messiah, the promised one - that's right, for years God promised that He would make everything right). Jesus is the definition of awesome and because the Bible does a far better job telling about his life with us than I could I will just cut to the chase. 

Ultimately, God loved us so much that he wanted to be right with his people forever without all the stressful scavenger hunts and bloody baby sheep. But if you've watched the news lately you'd have to admit that generally speaking our species is a pretty messed up bunch and it would take a big heaping sacrifice of purity to make up for all of that.  So God sent his only son, Jesus, to die like a sacrificial lamb so that any one of us who believes in him would no longer be chained to a rule book and dead sheep, but would instead be justified with God, even though they had done nothing to deserve it. 

"Therefore, since we have been made right in God's sight by faith, we have peace with God because of what Jesus Christ our Lord has done for us. Because of our faith, Christ has brought us into this place of undeserved privilege where we now stand, and we confidently and joyfully look forward to sharing God's glory. We can rejoice, too, when we run into problems and trials, for we know that they help us develop endurance. And endurance develops strength of character, and character strengthens our confidant hope of salvation. And this hope will not lead to disappointment. For we know how dearly God loves us, because He has given us the Holy Spirit to fill our hearts with love. When we were utterly helpless, Christ came at just the right time and died for us sinners. God showed His great love for us by sending Christ to die for us while we were still sinners. And since we have been made right in God's sight by the blood of Christ, He will certainly save us from God's condemnation."

Romans 5:1-9, The New Testament (NLT version)

That's pretty much the best part but if you stay tuned I have a few more thoughts on the subject. . .

Oh the sacrificial cuteness.

A Free Gift from The King: Part 1

Once upon a time, in a beautiful kingdom, there was a young prince who was not particularly well-behaved. He was rude to the servants, brushed off his responsibilities, was always late and made fun of the disfigured. He didn't care too much about his title or his kingdom because he had older brothers and sisters who were all very responsible and who would inherit the kingdom. He would never have the glory or the riches that came with being a king. In fact he hardly ever bothered to speak to his father the King and he pretty much figured that his father didn't give a hoot about him or what he did.

Until one day, while he was relaxing under a tree, pondering what to do with all of his spare time he thought he heard his father calling for him. He ignored the call at first, annoyed that he should be bothered. Then after awhile he began to wonder what the old man wanted. It felt as though he hadn't seen his father in ages. With a sigh he got up and went to look for his father. He wasn't in the throne room. The Prince felt like giving up the search right then. After all, if it was so important, his father should just come and tell him so. But just then he met his older sister who said she could show him where to find their father. Why not? thought the Prince, I was bored anyway. He let his sister guide him out into the Royal Garden. She pointed him in the direction of their father who the young Prince could now see sitting on an ornate bench surrounded by vines with huge blossoming golden flowers. In the King's lap was a small mirrored box, reflecting rays of sun onto his father's aged face. The King turned then, and seeing his son in the garden he ran to his son, laughing and holding him in a warm embrace. The Prince was a bit stunned - he didn't remember his Father being so loving or so full of joy.

"Come son, sit beside me here in the garden, I want to speak to you," said the King as he motioned the Prince to sit on the bench to his right. "Son, let's not beat around the bush," said the King. I love you. I love you more than you could ever imagine and it has broken my heart not to have you near me. I want to give you the most valuable thing I have. I want to give you the keys to the Kingdom. I want you to rule by my side." The King handed the little mirrored box to the young Prince.

The Prince was absolutely stunned. He had come to the garden expecting to maybe just catch up with the old man, probably get scolded at worst. However, now his father wanted him, the least deserving of the family to inherit the Kingdom. This must be a joke, he thought. He caught his reflection in the top of the mirrored box and for the first time he really saw himself clearly and he was saddened by how he was living.

"Father, you've got to be kidding me. You must not have any idea of what I have done," said the Prince.

"Sure I do," said the King. You've lied and cheated, you've been selfish, prideful and rude, you've been lustful, crude, uncaring. You've been petty and you've held hate in your heart. You have hurt others and you have disrespected even me. I know you don't deserve what I'm giving you, but frankly, there's nothing you could have done to deserve a gift this awesome. I hate what you have done in the past, but I love you and I can forgive everything you've done. All you have to do is accept my gift to you. I promise you that I mean it son. I. love. you. Do you believe me?"

The Prince was amazed that this was happening to him, but his father was speaking with such sincerity and such overwhelming love that the Prince knew he was speaking the truth.
"Yes father, I believe you. I will accept the keys to the Kingdom. But father, please, I have not learned how to live like a good son and prince. If it pleases you, allow me to leave the kingdom and travel to the far, far away places where I can meet people and learn how to be a good servant so that I will return knowing how to be a good ruler. I want to tell everyone I meet along the way of the wonderful gift you have given me."

The King pondered this for a moment. "Son, that is a very honourable request. The keys to the Kingdom are yours and they are freely given to you. I will never seek to take them away from you. Hold them close to your heart and through them you and I will always be able to hear and speak to each other. However, when you venture into the far, far away lands you will encounter many dangers. If you lack vigilance you may lose the keys, or there may be people who would seek to take them from you. Remember too that the farther away you are from the Kingdom the heavier the keys become and you may become tired and stumble. Above all things, remember that the day will come when I will summon you back to the Kingdom. If you arrive at the gates without the keys you will be locked out forever, stuck wandering the far, far away lands. Please son, be careful. You belong here with me."

So the Prince set out to learn how to lead by serving others. Even though he traveled in joy and faith he was beset by some troubles in the far, far away lands. But that is a story for another time. . .

The End.

"Right Spirit Maintenance" Part 1

Create in me a clean heart: O God; and renew a right spirit within me. Psalm 51:10

I believe that in order to deal with weakness you really should bring that weakness out into the open and confront it. Unfortunately, it is not an warm-fuzzy thing to do.

I’ve been commended a whole lot lately on being an “open” person. Which still kind of strikes me as odd because I’ve always felt that I usually don’t share half of what I’m thinking or feeling. In any case, there have been people that have been impressed with my willingness to share my thoughts and convictions on things. But there’s always this fear that accompanies me after I leave an “involved” conversation - that I’ve shared too much of myself, that I’ve opened myself up to ridicule or left a door open wide enough to get hurt. So the praise I’ve received this past year has been a great comfort to me. 

However, I’ve been thinking. What good is it to be an “open person” if you’re only ever open about the things that you know you can talk eloquently about, or that you’re convicted on, or that make you feel like a strong and smart person? It’s easy to talk about things like that. It’s easy to be open about good things. But if I want to stay true to the praise I’ve received and not fall into pride then I think I need to be willing to consider being open when I’m struggling with weakness or with any topic that might not necessarily feel stellar to converse about.

Lately I’ve discovered a nagging pride issue that’s been hindering me and because I want to try to be brave enough to confront it I’m going to put myself out here and write about it. Kind of scary, but it seems like it’s what I'm supposed to do.

"Make my Day"

I feel that God has put it in my heart to write about this right now - I think this because I can’t seem to fall asleep, so I figured God wants me to put this to paper now. I’m thinking about how every day we have a free gift that we can give to other people. Well, maybe not free, because we may have to put our own wishes or feelings or problems aside in order to give it I suppose. But it’s free, as in you won’t have to go the store to search and pay for it, type of free. 

I didn't really have a picture for this post.
But she's cute - so she'll do.

Every day, we have the power to make someone’s day - or at least a part of their day. Seriously! I think we are totally under-valuing this power. Just think about it - you can affect someone else’s life for the better every. single. day. You can even do it numerous times a day. 

Sadly, I didn’t really figure this out until last summer when I had my revelation of sorts. But now that I have realized this power I feel I have a responsibility to give this gift and I enjoy the feeling I get in return from giving it. I also feel shame on the days when I could have chosen to give this gift but didn’t because I was in a bad mood, or was preoccupied by thoughts and worries or because I was being selfish or because I wasn’t feeling well. Why? Because it would have only taken me a pittance of time, of focus, of love and caring to do it. 

Now I’m not talking about being a saint, or a martyr or any of those overwhelming words. I just mean taking a small amount of time to touch someone’s day. Like asking how the cashier’s day is going and doing it with sincerity. Being brave enough to compliment a stranger when it strikes you. Smiling at people - just smiling because why the heck not? Pausing to give directions, and when it looks like they don’t get it, taking a few moments longer to write them down, and when they still seem unsure, taking a few moments longer to let them follow you in your vehicle as you lead them. How about tipping your waitress a bit more than usual, even if she didn’t do an extraordinary job. One special thing that has always made my day is when I’m in the drive-thru for an ice cap and when I pull up to the window to pay they give me my drink and tell me that the people ahead of me already paid for it with the message “have a good day” or “pay it forward”. All these small things that have the potential to make someone feel better about the confusing world we live in - even if it’s only for a few minutes. 

I am fortunate that I work in a field where I get to interact with people every day. I’m trying to realize that I have the privilege of making someone feel better, even if it’s not necessarily with medicine. How I enter the room, whether it’s an emergency or a simple transfer, can set the tone for the patient’s entire experience. If I can come in with positive energy, a reassuring smile, introduce myself and ask with sincerity how they are feeling today I believe I can really improve that patient’s situation. If I can try my best to create a rapport with my patient and really listen to them then they might leave me feeling refreshed - the same way I feel refreshed after having a really good conversation with someone. If I can use my small stature, little voice, bubbly-ness and a dose of humility to get a chuckle out of a patient then that should be the least I can do for them.

Then why is it so hard to do that sometimes? When I’m having a less-than-stellar day it can just seem like people are so annoying or mean or stupid or clueless! I don’t really want to look at them, much less try and make their day better. I just want to focus on me. I’m trying to remember that when I’m having one of these less-than-stellar days, I’m at risk for the less-than-stellar part of my nature to negatively impact my friendships, my family, my coworkers, my patients, etc. There are times, when I’m in one of those moods, all that it takes is another person just trying to better my day in a small way. Sometimes that’s enough to snap me out of it. I’m also learning that often it takes more.

I remember when I was about half-way through final practicum I came to my site for the beginning of my shift knowing that I was in a miserable mood. I had a really good site, and a really good preceptor and had been fortunate that up until that day I’d been a pleasant and easy-going student that was well-liked by the staff. But that evening, as I was alone doing the routine check of the ambulance I knew that I was grouchy, and that I could not afford to be grouchy when my paramedic future was riding on this practicum. So there, as I sat in the airway chair staring at a bag full of drugs for what felt like the gazillionth time I tried something I hadn’t done before. I prayed to God to take away my wretchedness and replace it with his grace. You might think this is silly, but for me I realized it as a miracle right away because just then, two staff members walked in and instead of shutting them out or being curt with them, God gave me a warm heart and sincerity in my speech and we were soon laughing over one of many outrageous stories you would only hear on an ambulance. If God can grant me that when I ask, then I need to be asking more often. 

The other thing I need to be doing more often is telling people when they have blessed me. I just think, if I knew when I was really making a difference in someone’s day I think I might be all the more motivated to try to be a blessing to others. I should tell the waitress that she made my day when she remembered my “usual” even though I hadn’t been there in months. I should tell the sales representative that I really appreciated that they went the extra mile to help me get that deal. I need to take the time to sincerely return the thanks that patients will sometimes give for my service in this industry, instead of just brushing it off as “no big deal”. You should know that when you take the time to comment on this blog it encourages me to keep writing. I want to tell my work partner that when he indulges me in one of our deeper conversations it is often the best conversation that I have all week. I want those people that think to invite me to their home for dinner, or to a volleyball game to know that I look forward to it every time and being part of the family means so much to me. I’m only just beginning to fathom the power we have to be a blessing to other people. I hope you see it too!

“If the world is cold, make it your business to build fires”

-Horace Traubel

Painting Words

It's already April 20 and I haven't posted anything this month. It's not because I've lost interest, not in the least. I have stared at this blog nearly every day this month and I have a few rough drafts sitting on my desktop as we speak. The thing is, they're really big thoughts. Big thoughts need time to mature or they can get out of control. They require discussion with friends, prayers with God and a big dose of "what am I trying to say?" reflection before they are put to paper, or keyboard, or what have you.

 I'm a big believer that words are powerful, that they have the potential to hold an almost magical quality and as such should be handled with responsibility.  I also believe that writing is a form of art. If you saw a painting with a cow in the foreground, with a bottle of laundry detergent, while a British soldier played with a hula hoop and in the background was a row of adobe houses and a Christmas tree you'd probably be confused. You'd likely have no idea what the artist was trying to evoke. Plus it would be ugly. Very ugly.

So until I produce a Monet, here are a couple of big thoughts wrapped in small packages.

Special and Loved

I wasn't going to write today. After all, it's Valentine's Day - why would I want to write about a day that encourages 24 hours or less of warm-fuzzy lovey-dovey feelings at its best and feelings of self-pity, jealousy, greed, unrealistic expectations, anger, rejection and self-loathing at its worst? Hmmm, not so inspiring.

And I'm not all that bitter really. Sure, as a person of the dreaded lack of marital status I get a bit tired of Vday being shoved down my throat in all forms of advertising and being disqualified from some awesome contest opportunities because of my lack of a significant other. However, over all, I'm for a day that makes someone feel special and loved. 

But my heart definitely goes out to those who don't feel special and loved. I get that too. After all, there were no flowers for me today, no card, no chocolates, no special supper, no hugs and kisses and no "I love you"s. And as pathetic as that sentence looks, it's not a pity party, it's just fact. There are more facts though - I also didn't have a "significant other" hit me or verbally abuse me, I wasn't forgotten about or stood up. Seems like a fair trade off I suppose.

And it gets better. Sure, maybe I don't get to feel special and loved on this particular day of the year. But I KNOW that I am and its not constrained to a specific day. My friend sewed me a beautiful dress the other day, an older woman in the community phoned just to check up on me this week. Another lady shared her heart with me on Sunday in the hopes of encouraging me. A family reiterated to me that I am always welcome at their house anytime. My parents came out to a function to support me. My best friend is going to study with me this week and lend me their truck. Some flowers and a card can hardly compete with that, right?

On top of all that - God loves me and knows the desires of my heart and He has a plan. All I have to do is trust that He's working in my best interests and delight in His presence. Each day is a new adventure.

I'm just devoting my time to a particular project this month. Come March I'll be back with more posts.

Happy Valentine's Day. I hope that even though you might not FEEL like you're special and loved - you still KNOW that you're special and loved.

Rules and Obedience: Part 3 (The Best Part)

Here we are again on my weird little investigation into obedience. I’ve written about obedience in the form of coercion for the immature and obedience in the form of rewards for the logically mature. I believe there is one more driving force behind obedience. This force is only for the mature folk. Often they need to be so mature that they can stuff their pride and self away long enough to be obedient when it doesn’t suit them at all. This force is only one word and it is arguably the most important substance in all of our lives.

LOVE.

Pure and simple; or terribly complicated. It depends who you talk to I suppose. In any case it can be a strong force when it comes to obedience. I’m not sure everyone will be able to relate to this - if you can, great, that might mean I’m not completely weird. If you can’t, oh well, you get to read a different perspective on things. Anyhoo, it seems to me that when you know someone loves you and when you love them in return, you want to be obedient. 

Now when I say “love” in this context, I mean “love” in the pure and simple form. Not intimacy, not lust, not necessarily spouses or significant others. I mean everyone that you care about and those who care about you. Friends, family and God. 

I’m an adult. I have my own house, my own car, my own everything. I have flown the nest. I’m not really responsible for anyone but myself and Jack. If my dad asks me to do something for him I do not have to. After all, he can no longer coerce me into obedience as if I were a child. There are not necessarily any logical perks to obeying him any longer now that I don’t reside under his household. So why would I ever do what he has asked? There’s a chance that what he has asked me to do is going to be a major inconvenience, or its going to cost me money, or I’m going to have to change my plans, or it’s something I just loathe doing. Why would I ever do it? Once again the answer is simple.

LOVE. I will do it because I love him. 

I’m staying at a hotel in downtown Edmonton with two of my very good friends. I think it would be easier if I just walk to my destination downtown, even though it’s dark out. I don’t give it much thought. Once again, I’m an adult and I’ve gotten used to having to look after myself. I’ve taken for granted the amount of time I’ve spent in my small towns and have forgotten the dangers of being a small girl in a sketchy part of the big city. My friend tells me no. He asks me not to because he doesn’t think it is safe. From the moment he said that it was settled for me. I’m not going. Why?

LOVE. I was able to easily set pride and preference aside and obey him because he cared about me.

I’m going to go ahead and fit this all into one post, so please forgive the length. I was prompted to write these obedience posts after fielding a few questions about my faith. It probably seems that Christians have a lot of rules or strange ideas - especially in this modern age. It’s even more confusing when they see people professing the term “Christian” while seemingly not practicing what that entails. I get this. I cannot speak for others and I sure want to do my best not judge them. Therefore I can only speak for myself. I am not a very good Christian yet. I mess up a lot. However, I continue to try to improve and live what I believe. A lot of this comes down to obedience - often times the hardest part! As I gain maturity in my faith I am finding that the best way to obedience is through love. So below you will find the best explanation of why myself and many others  are trying to be obedient to the teachings of Jesus. It might be the corniest thing you’ve read all week but then the best love stories are always on the corny side. 

There’s this really amazing guy I’ve come to know. He treats me like a princess. He’s always encouraging me and telling me that I’m beautiful and that he can’t wait to do a lot of great things with me. He is always there every time I call him and he listens to me, even when I’m being a silly, emotional, non-sensical girl. He comforts me, celebrates with me and he makes me want to be a better person. He’s kind of like a super hero because he’s always healing and saving people. He even gave his life to save me. I never want to leave him. He has promised He will never leave me. Not ever! The thing is, He has told me that if I trust him enough to live my life the way He asks, He will make me the happiest girl in the world. Sounds crazy eh? Some of the things He has asked me to do are harder than others, but they all seem to make sense. I told Him that I’m afraid I will fail and He said that he already knows that I will sometimes but other times my obedience will bring him so much happiness! He also says that if I want his forgiveness He will gladly give it to me anytime, any place. So you might wonder why I am doing what he asks of me. I might not always fit in with the rest of the world while I’m doing what He has asked of me. You might want to whisper about me or tell me that I’m crazy. That’s okay. You might have questions about our relationship and I’m more than happy to answer them as best I can. But if your question is why I’m trying to obey this incredible guy, then the answer is easy.

LOVE. Pure and simple.

"To the Core"

If you were to strip away all of the layers of your existence, who would you be at the very core? I’ve found this to be an intriguing question of late as I’ve been considering what is really important in life.

I could start by bringing up the theory of tabula rasa - the idea that we are born into the world as blank slates and our personality and knowledge is completely dependent on the people and surroundings that influence us. I could write about this. . .but I think most parents would unwaveringly say that we are born into the world with our own little endearing personalities intact. I would agree and personally think that although our surroundings play a huge role in how we develop, we are born into the world with an unadulterated identity. However, by the time we are adults we have been so saturated by the world at large that we base our identity on the things that surround us instead of who we really are at the core. Maybe many of us don’t really know who we are at the core anymore. The world teaches us to define ourselves by our name, our occupation, by what we’re good at or by what we enjoy doing. We think of our identities as dependent on our spouse and children, maybe even by our family name and heritage. Some people would count the type of clothes they wear or the kind of music they listen to, the television shows they watch, the items they like to collect. We define ourselves by our gender, our skin colour, by the country we come from.

But what if you stripped all of that away? Who would you be then? In the past I might have said that I work on an ambulance, I read, write, take photographs, play piano, have a dog, hike, travel, go to church. When it comes down to it though, these are all things that I do or things that I enjoy. They are all dependent upon something - an employer, books, cameras, an instrument, another living thing, a congregation, not to mention finances. I think who we are at the core should not be dependent upon anything or anyone else.

When you think of it like that, you actually have to really think about who you are. Don’t you? We have more layers to us than a giant onion. It’s so tempting to consider yourself a product of the events, both good and bad that have happened to you in your life. It’s tempting to define yourself by the things you are passionate about or by what you’ve dedicated your life to doing. Still, I would argue that who you are goes much deeper than that. What you do or enjoy doing, what you’re passionate about are more like reflections of who you are. They’re a mirror that can reflect your core being.

It takes some serious consideration to get back to your core being. I’m still thinking about it. I know that I was born with a lot of compassion - especially when it comes to animals and even insects (I prefer to relocate spiders rather than squish them :). I know that I’ve always innately known of God’s presence and at my core I think I have a propensity for loyalty and sincerity (both which can have either positive or negative reflections in life).

I’ve found thinking about this to be very liberating. It puts things in perspective. To be frank, when you die, all of the earthly things you ranked high on your list of importance (status, finances, career) will be as valuable as an American penny in a Canadian dollar store. I think who we are at the core is what we entered the world with and is what we will exit the world with and personally I’d like to get reacquainted with who I am as a soul before that day graces my presence.

Too deep? Don’t worry, I’ll do another “AWESOME” post soon.