A Field of Glory

She was a rolling meadow small, skirts of grasses, but weeds as tall
Her wild flowers, untamed and fair led her to ignore the patches bare
Where not a green thing grew at all
And the sun, why she basked in its bliss, unaware
She was burning from its hot, dry kiss.

Then, one ragged day He came,
Plan in place He began to toil
His work, it ripped through and overturned her soil
Crushed her wild flowers down,
Uprooted the grasses of her gown
She cried in pain, "Just leave me be,
Can't you see you're hurting me?"

He did not stop but worked harder still,
He pulled the weeds that had grown so tall
All burrows were filled, so as not to fall
He broke the ground so dry and cracked
He was not discouraged by what she lacked

Horrified she looked around and all she saw was broken ground
Dusty field of brown and black, spread with muck on top of that
But now He whispered as He sowed
A promise of new life with every throw

"Shhh, small one, do not weep
My plans for you may seem but meek
But trust me and you won't be sorry,
I'll make you into a field of glory"

She ceased to cry and when she did
Tears from Heaven flowed instead
Rain immersed her ground and washed her clean
New growth, new life, she was redeemed

She loved Him now and bore His work
A meadow small she could not be
"I'll be His field of glory!"
She spoke determinedly

And where she had been stripped to dirt and dust
She grew straight and tall, leaving Him her trust
So now she wears an emerald gown
Her hair bright gold and eyes of sky
She dances in joy as the wind blows by

Because He's making her a field of glory
Fulfilling the promise that she won't be sorry
A song of courage and truth she hums
She knows she'll be with Him when the harvest comes.

~L.L.M.

The Unknown Future

Fear not, little flock; for it is your Father’s good pleasure to give you the Kingdom

Luke 12:32

It would be so nice if the moment we became Christians we would be able to just trust God completely and be content with our lot in life. Unfortunately, if you’re anything like me, you may find that trusting God is like sunshine on a cloudy day. It feels so good when the sun is shining down on you with its bright, warm rays, but then a group of clouds pass over and suddenly its shadowy and cool and it goes back and forth like that between sun and cloud all. day. long. 

The peace that comes when you give your troubles to the Lord is such a comfort - but for me it always seems fleeting. Its not long before my worries or doubts cloud over again and I’m left wondering if I ever really trusted God with the issue in the first place. 

I’m particularly guilty of playing the “alternate universe” game. Its where your mind leads you to consider how your life may have looked if you had taken a different path that was offered to you in your past. I’m quite happy with where my life has taken me, so the little trips down reminiscence road are really a complete waste of time. What’s worse than this useless indulgence in the past however, is when I take the same game into the future which I have a feeling is a bit of an insult to God. After all, there is a difference between conscientious planning and responsibility in regards to the future and apprehensive, anxious preparations for a future that is unlikely to make you nearly as squirrelly as your pre-planning has made you.

What I’m getting at is that when I let my mind run amok with anxieties about what “could” happen or what “might” not happen - when I daydream about this possibility or that potential problem I’m not only being disrespectful to the God who has it all figured out for me, I’m being an irrational, stressed out moron. 

First, worrying is not a productive move. You can’t fix something that isn’t broken, you can’t plan a route when you don’t know your destination. My favourite saying about worry is that it’s like a rocking chair - it gives you something to do but it doesn’t get you anywhere. Trusting in God on the other hand. . .well. . .I guess it may not always feel productive but it allows you use your brain for more productive things while building your faith and its what we have been commanded to do. Personally, looking back at how things have unfolded in my life I can get a glimpse of God’s plan and it is stunning and beautiful thus far - why shouldn’t I trust Him?

Second, if I’m worrying about the future because I’m concerned about my happiness (which is usually why I’m worrying about the future) then I’m forgetting the point of my life in Jesus Christ. Circumstances never last and are always changing. If you are basing your happiness and your faith for that matter, on your life circumstances you will forever be in a cycle of searching, finding, doubting and disillusionment. Your happiness and contentment will be tied to what’s going on in your life and lets face it, what’s going on in your life will not always be rainbows, bunnies and butterflies. 

We need to remember that the only certain and solid thing in this life is God. Our happiness and contentment in this crazy world should to be tied to Him and Him alone. Nothing else can withstand the anti-rainbows, anti-bunnies and flies. There is no peace and lasting happiness apart from God. 

I “know” all this but sometimes its not enough. I’m the type of person that will probably always need to reconsecrate my future to the Lord. And since trust becomes stronger the better you know someone I need to continue to get to know the Lord by reading the Bible and hanging onto his words whenever I start to become consumed with worry. The other practice that can soothe this weakness is prayer. I really think that its not enough to just try to ignore a worry - you have to make the conscious decision to give it over the Lord and talk through it with Him. 

When you read this I would consider it a blessing if you would pray for me, that I might be able to hand over my worries and concerns to the Father and use my brain for more productive pursuits. If there’s anything you’ve found helpful when you get caught up in your worries I’d like to hear that too. 

"And which of you by being anxious can add a single hour to his span of life? If then you are not able to do as small a thing as that, why are you anxious about the rest? Consider the lilies, how they grow: they neither toil nor spin, yet I tell you, even Solomon in all his glory was not arrayed like one of these. But if God so clothes the grass, which is alive in the field today, and tomorrow is thrown into the oven, how much more will He clothe you, O you of little faith! And do not seek what you are to eat and what you are to drink, nor be worried. For all the nations of the world seek after these things, and your Father knows that you need them. Instead, seek His kingdom, and these things will be added to you.”

Luke 12: 25-31

EMS Taught Me This: Part 1

Mock accident. No one is actually hurt.

I want to tell you something and I want you to put away any doubt and any fear. I want you to just give in and believe that what I am about to tell you is the absolute truth and that there is no circumstance that changes this truth. Truth cannot be defeated or destroyed but it can be ignored. I need you to know that the only thing that can push away this truth that I am about to tell you is your own doubt and fear. Are you ready? Feeling all warm and fuzzy and ready to wholeheartedly accept what I’m about to tell you? Alright, here it is:

You are always capable of more than you think.

Always, always, always, every single time. Nice and simple eh? The truth always is. EMS has taught me this. Not the truth part - Jesus taught me that. I mean EMS has taught me this specific truth that you are undoubtedly always more capable than you give yourself credit for. I am an example of this, my patients are an example of this, my patient’s families are an example of this. 

You know what the most common thing is I hear from my patients when we are discussing what it is like to work on the ambulance? It’s this:

“I could never do what you do.”

What I do? Really? It’s flattering I suppose to some degree when people think you’re amazing because you turned the pillow to the cool side for them. However, I know there are some of my peers in the industry who would believe that most people couldn’t do what we do, but I’m not inclined to agree. 

Writing comes easily to me. It has always been the next best thing to effortless for me. But EMS? Nope. I can’t think of anything in EMS that came particularly easy to me when I was first learning. I remember when I quite literally could not lift the stretcher if there had even been the weight of a bunny on it. I remember being nervous about cracking open an oxygen tank, fumbling with nasal cannulas, awkward about doing physical assessments on people, wondering what crackles in the lungs really sounded like, the list goes on. And now, all of that and more comes as easily to me as putting my hair in a pony tail. It’s all stuff I learned. Anyone could learn it if they wanted to. But that’s the thing, you have to have some driving force. “Want” was mine (I guess the more literary pleasing word would be ‘desire’ but I’m gonna go with ‘want’). I didn’t know the difference between a BVM, BGL, NRB, NC, KCL, D50 etc, but I wanted to learn. I didn’t know what it was like to crawl into an overturned car to check on a trapped patient, or to be the first person to initiate CPR or to hold a stranger’s hand while they cried but I wanted to learn how to have the privilege of being there in someone’s time of need. It was something I wanted to do. That’s how I was able to do it, not because of some innate ability. There will be other medics who will argue that you have to have a certain mindset (a mixture of eery calm under fire and sense of black humour perhaps) to survive in this job. I think that if you didn’t have or possess the potential for that “mindset” you wouldn’t want to learn the EMS skill set. That is not the same as capability. This is what I’m trying to establish. All of those people who tell me, 

“I could never do what you do” I want to tell them (and sometimes I do) “Yes, you could. We are far more capable than we give ourselves credit for. The thing is, would you want to do what I do?”

I can hear some of you now. Blood? No thanks. Germs? Ugh. Needles? Not likely! Sure, that’s fine if you know without a doubt that EMS is something you have no interest in. But if you do have an inkling that you might like to try it, then don’t let yourself think that you are not capable. I can assure you that you are.

Now that is just me applying this truth in medicalanese. That’s the great thing about truth though, it is always applicable regardless of the circumstance. So, if you have a bit of a ho-hum job and you would like to do something else but you’re not sure whether you can handle a pay cut, or having to go back to school or putting the kids in daycare, you can! You will always be able to do more than you think. The question is do you want to?

You are capable of jumping out of a plane, you are capable of starting your own business, you are capable of raising another kid, you are capable of going into the mission field, you are capable of leaving your abusive boyfriend, you are capable of kicking that bad habit. Even though you will feel that you can’t do it, you need to know that the truth is that you can. The question is really whether or not you have enough of a driving force to make you want to do it. 

You are always more capable than you think. The only thing that can make you ignore this truth is your own doubt and fear. So I’m asking you once more to put away your doubt and fear. Imagine that thing you’ve wished you could do but don’t feel that you’re capable of. 

Do you want to do it? Because if want to do it, rest assured you are capable. It is the truth. 

EMS taught me this.