A Baby's Smile

Merry Christmas everyone!

I just wanted to share a quick thought I've been pondering. It's about babies. It's fitting since today is the day we celebrate in honour of our Saviour's entry into the world as a little baby.

I'm fortunate enough to spend a fair amount of time with my favourite little boy. He's a happy one-year-old with a full head of dark curls and the sweetest smile. He's the son of two of my very good friends. Anyhoo, the other day I was lucky enough to be the first one to hear him wake-up from his afternoon nap. I walked into the room and leaned over the crib and this little guy with his eyes still squinty from sleep blessed me with a big beautiful sleepy smile when he saw me. It was such a heart-warming feeling to have this little person look at me like that. I lifted him out of the crib and he let his head rest on my shoulder as I carried him out to his mom. That warm-fuzzy feeling stayed with me the rest of the day and has stayed with me in the weeks following. It got me to thinking about Jesus' birth.

After all, I was overtaken with the warm-fuzzies by a baby that is not even my own. Imagine how Mary felt holding her miracle first-born who she has been told will change the world. If my favourite little boy could make my heart melt with a single sleepy smile imagine how the shepherds and wisemen felt when they were blessed in the presence of a Holy child. If the baby Jesus smiled at them, I would imagine that their hearts would feel like they could burst. Perhaps that, along with a bright star and a multitude of angels made their belief so big that they could have moved mountains at that moment if they had so desired.

So I was just thinking if you want the warm-fuzzies when you think of the meaning of Christmas, try thinking of your favourite little one and how they make you feel and then multiply that feeling to suit the power and glory of our Lord and Saviour born in the form of a little child.

Merry Christmas and God Bless.

~Lexi

EMS Taught Me This: Part 1

Mock accident. No one is actually hurt.

I want to tell you something and I want you to put away any doubt and any fear. I want you to just give in and believe that what I am about to tell you is the absolute truth and that there is no circumstance that changes this truth. Truth cannot be defeated or destroyed but it can be ignored. I need you to know that the only thing that can push away this truth that I am about to tell you is your own doubt and fear. Are you ready? Feeling all warm and fuzzy and ready to wholeheartedly accept what I’m about to tell you? Alright, here it is:

You are always capable of more than you think.

Always, always, always, every single time. Nice and simple eh? The truth always is. EMS has taught me this. Not the truth part - Jesus taught me that. I mean EMS has taught me this specific truth that you are undoubtedly always more capable than you give yourself credit for. I am an example of this, my patients are an example of this, my patient’s families are an example of this. 

You know what the most common thing is I hear from my patients when we are discussing what it is like to work on the ambulance? It’s this:

“I could never do what you do.”

What I do? Really? It’s flattering I suppose to some degree when people think you’re amazing because you turned the pillow to the cool side for them. However, I know there are some of my peers in the industry who would believe that most people couldn’t do what we do, but I’m not inclined to agree. 

Writing comes easily to me. It has always been the next best thing to effortless for me. But EMS? Nope. I can’t think of anything in EMS that came particularly easy to me when I was first learning. I remember when I quite literally could not lift the stretcher if there had even been the weight of a bunny on it. I remember being nervous about cracking open an oxygen tank, fumbling with nasal cannulas, awkward about doing physical assessments on people, wondering what crackles in the lungs really sounded like, the list goes on. And now, all of that and more comes as easily to me as putting my hair in a pony tail. It’s all stuff I learned. Anyone could learn it if they wanted to. But that’s the thing, you have to have some driving force. “Want” was mine (I guess the more literary pleasing word would be ‘desire’ but I’m gonna go with ‘want’). I didn’t know the difference between a BVM, BGL, NRB, NC, KCL, D50 etc, but I wanted to learn. I didn’t know what it was like to crawl into an overturned car to check on a trapped patient, or to be the first person to initiate CPR or to hold a stranger’s hand while they cried but I wanted to learn how to have the privilege of being there in someone’s time of need. It was something I wanted to do. That’s how I was able to do it, not because of some innate ability. There will be other medics who will argue that you have to have a certain mindset (a mixture of eery calm under fire and sense of black humour perhaps) to survive in this job. I think that if you didn’t have or possess the potential for that “mindset” you wouldn’t want to learn the EMS skill set. That is not the same as capability. This is what I’m trying to establish. All of those people who tell me, 

“I could never do what you do” I want to tell them (and sometimes I do) “Yes, you could. We are far more capable than we give ourselves credit for. The thing is, would you want to do what I do?”

I can hear some of you now. Blood? No thanks. Germs? Ugh. Needles? Not likely! Sure, that’s fine if you know without a doubt that EMS is something you have no interest in. But if you do have an inkling that you might like to try it, then don’t let yourself think that you are not capable. I can assure you that you are.

Now that is just me applying this truth in medicalanese. That’s the great thing about truth though, it is always applicable regardless of the circumstance. So, if you have a bit of a ho-hum job and you would like to do something else but you’re not sure whether you can handle a pay cut, or having to go back to school or putting the kids in daycare, you can! You will always be able to do more than you think. The question is do you want to?

You are capable of jumping out of a plane, you are capable of starting your own business, you are capable of raising another kid, you are capable of going into the mission field, you are capable of leaving your abusive boyfriend, you are capable of kicking that bad habit. Even though you will feel that you can’t do it, you need to know that the truth is that you can. The question is really whether or not you have enough of a driving force to make you want to do it. 

You are always more capable than you think. The only thing that can make you ignore this truth is your own doubt and fear. So I’m asking you once more to put away your doubt and fear. Imagine that thing you’ve wished you could do but don’t feel that you’re capable of. 

Do you want to do it? Because if want to do it, rest assured you are capable. It is the truth. 

EMS taught me this.

I Don't Write About Work but. . .

I don’t write about work. A reader noticed this the other day and wondered why. I have a feeling that some people would think that the most exciting thing about me, the most exciting thing I could possibly write about in my blog is my job. Perhaps they are right. I’m sure most people would much rather read an account of my latest adventures in the world of emergency medical services than in the spiritual encounters with my creator, or how I sing when I do mundane things like going grocery shopping. Somedays, I too would rather publish a post on “the funniest patient I had the other day. . .” or my observations on hospital hallways or a commentary on recent EMS political events. I could confidently say that if you were to put a sheet of paper in front of me right now I could effortlessly list at least 20 different EMS blog topics that I would love to comment on. However, for a few reasons I do not. 

The first and arguably most important factor in this decision is that it is not safe. There is of course, the matter of legality when it comes to trying to recreate certain calls that, even if you were to change the date, place, time, and name of your patient, you open yourself up to the possibility that someone could accuse you of breaching confidentiality. It can be done, mind you, as the revolving door of EMS blogs on the web can attest, but it seems like a lot of work for a lot of risk to me. Sadly, though, that is not even my worst fear when I think of safety. Truth be told, like most of my fellow co-workers, I have a lot of opinions on a lot of things related to my industry - some very mainstream and some that would be considered radical. At one time I would not hesitate to write and publish these thoughts. However, I feel that the EMS political climate at this point in time is not particularly conducive to free-thinking. I can console myself with the fact that “EMS is EMS everywhere you go” which translates to mean that no matter where you are working, who you are working with or what is happening in the politics, your high level of knowledge and patient care should remain the same. Put your patient first and be the best you can be regardless of the circumstances. Unfortunately, consoling myself with this fact would be of little use if I suddenly found myself without a place to practice it.

The second reason is that I find EMS fascinating. Much too fascinating. I blame it on the first day of EMR class when my instructor taught me how to MacGuyver a flutter valve after decompressing someone’s chest - something far, far out of my scope at that level, but I was hooked. I wanted to keep learning things that were “above” me. This was good at the time and for many of the years following. However, I now also think that there comes a time when you can become over-saturated. A sponge that is filled with water needs to be wrung out sometimes if we expect it to be able to absorb more. To prevent being over-saturated, I try now to make a greater effort to separate “me” from “my job”. Part of this means I don’t want to get caught up in writing about EMS all the time, it would be way too easy. So that is why you instead get to read about other non-EMS thoughts and events. 

And if there was a third reason it would be because I would forever be editing my EMS short-hand into normal English! Go back and count how many times I used the word “patient” in this post and that is how many times I had to go back and change “pt.” to “patient”. Blah!

After all that explaining however, I have been inspired to do a quick series on some things I have learned from EMS. No, you will not find war stories, political opinions, or instructions on flutter valves. You may not find them exciting at all. It's just going to be some wholesome thoughts that I may not have considered if it wasn’t for my profession. Stay tuned. 

Awesome Thing #5 ~ Weddings!

I always try not to over-romantacize weddings. I would rather go with the thought that the wedding is only one party out of a whole marriage. Maybe this is because as a kid I always thought I would jinx my own chances of getting married if I planned for it - kind of a "don't count your chickens before they've hatched" type of thing. So I wasn't/haven't been one of those girls whose had it all planned out since I was knee-high to a chipmunk.

The lack of my own wedding plans however, has in no way diminished my absolute love of weddings. Any wedding. I've been to traditional church weddings, backyard weddings, mountain weddings and even a surprise wedding in a park. I've been fortunate enough to have been a flower girl, a bridesmaid, a soloist, a speaker and a photographer at weddings. I've watched my grandmother re-marry after being widowed, I've watched close friends marry and I've celebrated with coworkers who have taken the plunge. I have yet to meet a wedding I didn't enjoy. 

After all, what's not to enjoy!? Family, friends, food, entertainment, beautiful dresses and ambience, gifts, speeches and memories. It's like an extra Christmas. On top of that, you get to share in the special day when two people you care about pledge their commitment to each other for the rest of their lives. It's an event that has the potential to remind you, once again, about what's important in life. 

There is one wedding experience that I have anticipated for a long, long, long time. Probably ever since I forced my little brother to marry his GI Joe to my Barbie. I definitely thought about it again when as teenagers my brother and I went out to a driving range and he told me that he was buying a promise ring for his then six-month girlfriend. Now there is an engagement ring on the left hand of that same "six-month" girlfriend and wedding planned for September! 

My brother marrying the love of his life. . .

AWESOME!!!!!

My brother marrying the love of his life, ensuring that my "almost-like-a-sister-in-law-friend" will officially be my sister-in-law. . . . .

EVEN MORE AWESOME!!!!!

Rules and Obedience: Part 3 (The Best Part)

Here we are again on my weird little investigation into obedience. I’ve written about obedience in the form of coercion for the immature and obedience in the form of rewards for the logically mature. I believe there is one more driving force behind obedience. This force is only for the mature folk. Often they need to be so mature that they can stuff their pride and self away long enough to be obedient when it doesn’t suit them at all. This force is only one word and it is arguably the most important substance in all of our lives.

LOVE.

Pure and simple; or terribly complicated. It depends who you talk to I suppose. In any case it can be a strong force when it comes to obedience. I’m not sure everyone will be able to relate to this - if you can, great, that might mean I’m not completely weird. If you can’t, oh well, you get to read a different perspective on things. Anyhoo, it seems to me that when you know someone loves you and when you love them in return, you want to be obedient. 

Now when I say “love” in this context, I mean “love” in the pure and simple form. Not intimacy, not lust, not necessarily spouses or significant others. I mean everyone that you care about and those who care about you. Friends, family and God. 

I’m an adult. I have my own house, my own car, my own everything. I have flown the nest. I’m not really responsible for anyone but myself and Jack. If my dad asks me to do something for him I do not have to. After all, he can no longer coerce me into obedience as if I were a child. There are not necessarily any logical perks to obeying him any longer now that I don’t reside under his household. So why would I ever do what he has asked? There’s a chance that what he has asked me to do is going to be a major inconvenience, or its going to cost me money, or I’m going to have to change my plans, or it’s something I just loathe doing. Why would I ever do it? Once again the answer is simple.

LOVE. I will do it because I love him. 

I’m staying at a hotel in downtown Edmonton with two of my very good friends. I think it would be easier if I just walk to my destination downtown, even though it’s dark out. I don’t give it much thought. Once again, I’m an adult and I’ve gotten used to having to look after myself. I’ve taken for granted the amount of time I’ve spent in my small towns and have forgotten the dangers of being a small girl in a sketchy part of the big city. My friend tells me no. He asks me not to because he doesn’t think it is safe. From the moment he said that it was settled for me. I’m not going. Why?

LOVE. I was able to easily set pride and preference aside and obey him because he cared about me.

I’m going to go ahead and fit this all into one post, so please forgive the length. I was prompted to write these obedience posts after fielding a few questions about my faith. It probably seems that Christians have a lot of rules or strange ideas - especially in this modern age. It’s even more confusing when they see people professing the term “Christian” while seemingly not practicing what that entails. I get this. I cannot speak for others and I sure want to do my best not judge them. Therefore I can only speak for myself. I am not a very good Christian yet. I mess up a lot. However, I continue to try to improve and live what I believe. A lot of this comes down to obedience - often times the hardest part! As I gain maturity in my faith I am finding that the best way to obedience is through love. So below you will find the best explanation of why myself and many others  are trying to be obedient to the teachings of Jesus. It might be the corniest thing you’ve read all week but then the best love stories are always on the corny side. 

There’s this really amazing guy I’ve come to know. He treats me like a princess. He’s always encouraging me and telling me that I’m beautiful and that he can’t wait to do a lot of great things with me. He is always there every time I call him and he listens to me, even when I’m being a silly, emotional, non-sensical girl. He comforts me, celebrates with me and he makes me want to be a better person. He’s kind of like a super hero because he’s always healing and saving people. He even gave his life to save me. I never want to leave him. He has promised He will never leave me. Not ever! The thing is, He has told me that if I trust him enough to live my life the way He asks, He will make me the happiest girl in the world. Sounds crazy eh? Some of the things He has asked me to do are harder than others, but they all seem to make sense. I told Him that I’m afraid I will fail and He said that he already knows that I will sometimes but other times my obedience will bring him so much happiness! He also says that if I want his forgiveness He will gladly give it to me anytime, any place. So you might wonder why I am doing what he asks of me. I might not always fit in with the rest of the world while I’m doing what He has asked of me. You might want to whisper about me or tell me that I’m crazy. That’s okay. You might have questions about our relationship and I’m more than happy to answer them as best I can. But if your question is why I’m trying to obey this incredible guy, then the answer is easy.

LOVE. Pure and simple.

Rules & Obedience: Part 2

So back to the obedience topic. I was trying to establish that when you’re immature in your understanding, like a child, you are basically coerced into obedience. If you were fortunate enough to have loving and mature parents this coercion was for your own good. In my personal observations, coercing children, though not as pretty of an experience, seems to have a much better long term effect than bribing children into obedience (which is what we tend to see a lot of these days in public; but I digress :).

There is no "right way" when you've
 been told to stop :)

Anyhoo, as you get older you start to understand how obedience, trust and rewards can become intertwined. I sincerely wish more teens would figure this out earlier - it would make the beginning of their adult lives so much easier and enjoyable 1.If you continually do as your parents ask, even when it doesn’t suit what you want to do, they notice. 2. They suspect you have developed maturity. 3. When your parents sense maturity coupled with obedience they develop trust in you. 4. Because they trust you, they let you do more without fearing for your safety. 5. You get to do fun stuff with your friends and develop a trusting relationship with your parents. Some teenagers go around trying to be stealthy and secretive - already having decided that their parents are unfair creatures. When teens are hiding parts of their life from the people that love them, parents get suspicious and they crack down. They can’t help themselves - it’s not in parental nature to trust a child that has not proven that they are indeed trustworthy. Teens that think that trust should be inherent are kidding themselves. Parents used to be teens too - of course they’re going to suspect you’re up to something if you are not being transparent. Teens often don’t realize that trust starts with obedience and is maintained with transparency. It sucks to be those teens. 

The teens that do figure this out reap the rewards of obedience. A fairly common rule in our house was that you had to have your homework done before you were allowed to do anything else. If you procrastinated about doing your homework, complained incessantly about having to do your homework or lied about doing your homework you could plan on being harped on, grounded and experience a lot of discord with Mom. On top of that, you missed whatever it was you were supposed to do with your friends and instead were stuck inside figuring out algebra. When I started a practice of coming home from school and immediately sitting down at the kitchen table, opening my books and getting my homework done and then getting any chores done before supper, my mom noticed. After a few months of my mom seeing me carry out this routine every day I never got asked the annoying question “is your homework done?”. She trusted that it would be - just as it had been every day for the past three months. She would also see the check mark beside my chores on the list and trusted that I done my share around the house. The results were phenomenal! I wasn’t continually feeling harassed by my mom to do my homework and chores and I felt like a good daughter for getting them done before being asked. Because I was consistently studying my school marks soared, and so did my social life and extra-curriculars because I was always able to attend. I liked these rewards - being obedient was pretty easy when you knew something good would come of it. By the time I was 17 years old and in Grade 12 I had an apartment and was living on my own two hours away from my parents. All just because I had been obedient to them and had earned their trust. 

This is no longer obedience through coercion. This is obedience through logic and reward. It’s efficient but it’s only effective when a certain maturity level is reached that allows you to figure out the logic behind obedience. This comes back around to why I’m inclined to think bribing your child with a reward in exchange for obedience is a bit lack lustre in effort.

I really am going somewhere with this, I promise. I realize it’s a bit of a strange topic. Hang in there with me. There’s at least one more part, if not two more in this strange little series.

Because That's What You Do

When I was a baby girl my dad would lift me up on the hour so that I could see the cuckoo bird pop out of the cuckoo clock. I felt like I was hundreds of feet in the air when he would let me ride on his shoulders. When I was tired he would pick me up and carry me to bed. I was amazed at his strength when he would fly me around the house like an airplane or hold me upside down by the ankles. And even when he was in the middle of a conversation, if I reached out with stretched arms and said “Daddy, up?” he would hear me and pick me up without missing a beat because that’s what you do when you love your baby girl.

When I was a little girl my dad would sometimes drop me off at school in his police car -even though we lived right across the street, just because he knew it made me feel special. He told me I was smart, not just beautiful - but smart, and he told me often. He pushed me on the swings, took me to fly kites and blew bubbles with me. He sang to me and told me fairytales. He knelt beside my bed and prayed with me. I would stand on top of his feet and he would dance with me and tell me that we would dance like this on my wedding day. And he held my hand, because that’s what you do when you love your little girl. 

When I was a teenage girl my dad would read everything I wrote and edit it for me and then he would read it again, even if I was cramming an eight page essay at midnight. He came to listen to me sing, or play or practice or speak and always told me that he was proud of me. He told me I was beautiful, not just smart - but beautiful when I felt like the ugliest girl at school. And he held me while I cried over the injustices of youth, because that’s what you do when you love your teenage girl.

When I was a young woman, just starting out, my dad would take my car when I wasn’t watching and put gas in it, just because. He would discuss politics, philosophy, religion and current events into the wee hours of the morning with me, often playing devil’s advocate because he knew it challenged me and made me think. He showered my mother with an abundance of love, respect and admiration, demonstrating to me how a man should treat his wife. He encouraged me to take risks, try new things and to see the world. And he offered me his arm to take when walking, because that’s what you do when you love and honour the young lady that is your daughter. 

When I, as a woman, am busy with the day-to-day things of life, my dad calls me to talk, just because. He listens to my failures and successes and tells me that “everything will work out, it always does.” He loves my dog as much as I do and he makes me wheat-free cupcakes as a surprise. He tells me I’m smart and beautiful. He tries to impart the wisdom of financial planning and he comes by my house to fix, build or plant things -often before I even know it needs to be done. He blows bubbles with me as the sun goes down and we talk about the deeper things like faith, love and the meaning of life. And, whenever we part ways, whether on the phone or in person, our last words are always “I love you” because that’s what you do when you love your grown daughter.

When I am. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .because that’s what you do when you love your daughter.

For every one that asketh receiveth; and he that seeketh findeth; and to him that knocketh it shall be opened. Of what man is there of you, whom if his son ask for bread, will he give him a stone? Or if he ask a fish, will he give him a serpent? If ye then, being evil, know how to give good gifts unto your children, how much more shall your Father which is in heaven give good things to them that ask him?  -Matthew 7:8-11