Enough

If you read this blog on a semi-regular basis and think to yourself, "man, she sure writes a lot of religiousy type stuff" I hope it doesn't annoy you too much. I don't mean to be preachy and I certainly hope I don't come off that way. I like to write what I know, what I wonder, and what I'm learning in the hopes that there's other people out there who can relate with me on these day-to-day things too. Thankfully for me, God is an every day, real part of my life, so He inevitably comes up in most of my writing. I can't really apologize for that. So if you're still reading this I guess you don't mind. Thanks for coming by here. I always enjoy reading messages or feel free to subscribe on the upper right hand area of the page. Anyhoo. . .

I don't know about you guys but when I was growing up I used to wonder what it was like to be an adult. When I was about 15, my mom helped me with a school project where we had to plan out a budget with a mortgage, bills, groceries etc. I don't remember the specific numbers but what my mom remembers was that I was in tears because based on the realistic budget I had created I was going to have to ride my bike everywhere as I wouldn't be able to afford car payments or gas.

Yes, on that day reality set in and I figured that being an adult mostly meant trying to balance a budget and deal with money woes.

A few years ago, I remember having the revelation that being an adult was all about problem solving. Which really it is, you constantly are solving problems and managing your time. However, I've decided that there's another facet to what adulthood feels like - inadequacy.

Do you ever feel like you're doing a less than adequate job in your life roles? My goodness, there's always something I feel I'm sucking at. If I don't feel like an inadequate friend than I'm an inadequate paramedic, an inadequate sister, an inadequate mommy to my my fur-baby, an inadequate Christian. 

On one hand it keeps a girl humble but on the other hand it's quite discouraging. I'm not smart enough, I'm not friendly enough, I'm not home enough, I'm not giving enough, I'm not helping enough, I'm not cleaning enough. I'M JUST NOT ENOUGH. 

It's enough to make a person nutty. So this week, when it just felt like I just couldn't keep up, couldn't do everything or know everything, when I couldn't give the love I wanted to give, find the time to meet with someone, keep up with the housework, get the car washed, run those long awaited errands or even get food I just had to stop.

Stop. Breathe. Forgive myself for not being what I expect of myself. Do what I can get done while I can do it. Then thank God, because God makes me enough. 

Truly, God knows that I can't do it and know it all. He just asks that I talk to him when I feel like a complete loser. He's the best person to talk to because He doesn't see me that way. Because Jesus died for me God only sees me with love. He is the one who makes me enough. 

Thank goodness for that. I may not be enough for another but I'm always enough for God. There's another saying I like to keep in mind too. "God doesn't call the qualified. He qualifies the called." You might think you're not up to the standard needed to get a job done, but rest assured, if God calls you to do something and you allow Him to work in your life, He will empower you to accomplish what he seeks. I have found this to be true. 

So yes, being an adult usually revolves around managing money, always revolves around problem solving and sometimes revolves around just trying to be good enough to make it through. As long as it always, always, always revolves around God I think we'll be more than okay.

Now to get going on that massive To-Do list. . .

"I pray that from from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with inner strength through His spirit. Then Christ will make His home in your hearts as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God's love and make you strong. And may you have the power to understand, as all God's people should, how wide, how long, how high and how deep His love is. May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. Now all glory to God, who is able, through His mighty power at work within us, to accomplish infinitely more than we might ask or think. "

Ephesians 3:16-20

Randomness x 15

I so enjoyed reading my friend Jenn's "15 Random Things About Me" post that I figured I'd be a copy cat and do one too. Here goes -

1. I think spotting a rabbit is lucky. I decided this as a teenager when walking home from school one day. I don't exactly remember how it came about, but it was probably a really good day and then a rabbit came dashing past and I thought "wow, a rabbit cool! This is such a good day!" Since then I when I see a jack rabbit I think it's going to be a particularly good day.

2. I can't smell skunk. Seriously, I have no idea what people are talking about when they're complaining about skunk. I once mistook a skunk for a cat in the dark and just about got close enough to pet it. I'm not that weird though. I read somewhere that 15 per cent of the population actually can't smell skunk either.

3. I'm kind of torn between wanting an Alpaca farm or a petting zoo. Alpaca fur brings in some nice cash, but they're kind of smelly. However, they are cute in a special way and I wouldn't need to kill and eat them. Instead I could name them and sell their ridiculously priced hair. If I had a petting zoo I could have a menagerie of sweet stinky little animals that I could look after and name. I'd want a miniature pony and a rabbit, a goat (particularly a fainting goat), some ducks, a couple of sheep, maybe a donkey so we could have a live nativity at Christmas, and a smaller, non-ugly pig. Heck, might as well throw an alpaca in there too. Oh, and a porcupine.

4. When I was small (2-3 yrs) my favourite show was "The Littlest Hobo" about a german shepherd dog that travels around helping people. When the ending song, "Maybe Tomorrow" came on I would cry my eyes out - not because the show was over, but because I was so incredibly upset that the dog had to get on a train and move around and that he didn't have a home and a little girl to love him. To this day hearing that song makes me tear up.

5. I have what my mom refers to as "social batteries". I do really well talking to people and socializing and being congenial and out-going but then when my batteries run low, I'm pretty much done. I need quiet time to recharge my batteries before I can be sociable again.

6. I love, love, love blooming canola fields. I look forward to them every summer. It is one of the most beautiful things about living here.

7. When I was in high school and university I would not even start a 20 page paper until a day or two before the due date and still get it done on time, complete with documented research and receive an "A". I was seriously that awesome. It was like a super power. Now I'm lucky if I can complete a To-Do list over the course of a day.

8. I love pretty much anything to do with the English language. I love to read, I love to write, I like quotes, I like word games, I like that I can correctly spell words that I've never heard or used before. I like singing, I like writing poetry, I like word pictures. If it has English in it I can conquer it. Now, numbers and math. . .not so much. . .

9. When I was three my dad went to RCMP training at Depot. While he was gone my mom and brother and I lived with my grandma for six months. During that period I obtained an imaginary friend named Jamie. My mom never figured out if Jamie was a boy or a girl. However, on Canada Day that year we had gone to a park for the celebrations and while we were there I began explaining to my aunt and my mom that before Jamie was my friend, Jamie had been shot and there was lots and lots of blood. I have no memory of this imaginary friend now. Creepy.

10. On another weird childhood note, I used to be able to "smell" the dark. This only applied to when I was outside in the dark and I used to tell my parents that the night smelled evil. I do remember what it smelled like back then but I rarely smell it now and usually when I do its a really cold winter night.

11. I have tons upon tons of happy family memories. Most of them are not about trips or cool presents. They're not about fancy birthday parties or toys. A lot of them are about simple, every day family suppers, about my dad coming home from work or my mom making potato soup. They're about playing imagination games with my brother in the back yard. I cherish memories from when I was a teen and my parents, brother and I were lucky enough to have a hot tub that we would sit in together and look at the stars and ponder life's questions. I want to remember with my own kids that a beautiful childhood is not about the money you spend to give your kids the right clothes and the right toys and the right vacations. A beautiful childhood is about spending time as a family, knowing that you're loved, laughing together, and realizing that all of that is enough. Everything else is gravy, not the main course.

12. I feel that author C.S. Lewis is one of the most profound and brilliant writers to ever live upon this earth. I highly, highly recommend his works, particularly Mere Christianity and The Screwtape Letters.

13. I think one of my best traits since I've grown up is adaptability. Although I don't always like change, I actually tend to handle it quite well as long as I don't let attitude get in my way. I've decided that it's this trait that's enabled me to work in EMS, to travel the world, to live a plain life style, and even when it comes to letting God be in charge of my life (though that last one does take constant effort still). I know that I get this trait from my mom. She's like that too, except she does it all with a smile to boot.

14. I have a small dog and he is my baby. He's a bright light in my world. His name is Jack Daniels and he is certainly the cutest, sweetest and funniest dog alive.

15. One of the most comforting things I've learned about life is that there is always something you can do when things go wrong. This is because no matter what the situation, you can always pray. God's got a handle on things when you don't. Just pray!

My baby Jack :)