Rules and Obedience: Part 3 (The Best Part)

Here we are again on my weird little investigation into obedience. I’ve written about obedience in the form of coercion for the immature and obedience in the form of rewards for the logically mature. I believe there is one more driving force behind obedience. This force is only for the mature folk. Often they need to be so mature that they can stuff their pride and self away long enough to be obedient when it doesn’t suit them at all. This force is only one word and it is arguably the most important substance in all of our lives.

LOVE.

Pure and simple; or terribly complicated. It depends who you talk to I suppose. In any case it can be a strong force when it comes to obedience. I’m not sure everyone will be able to relate to this - if you can, great, that might mean I’m not completely weird. If you can’t, oh well, you get to read a different perspective on things. Anyhoo, it seems to me that when you know someone loves you and when you love them in return, you want to be obedient. 

Now when I say “love” in this context, I mean “love” in the pure and simple form. Not intimacy, not lust, not necessarily spouses or significant others. I mean everyone that you care about and those who care about you. Friends, family and God. 

I’m an adult. I have my own house, my own car, my own everything. I have flown the nest. I’m not really responsible for anyone but myself and Jack. If my dad asks me to do something for him I do not have to. After all, he can no longer coerce me into obedience as if I were a child. There are not necessarily any logical perks to obeying him any longer now that I don’t reside under his household. So why would I ever do what he has asked? There’s a chance that what he has asked me to do is going to be a major inconvenience, or its going to cost me money, or I’m going to have to change my plans, or it’s something I just loathe doing. Why would I ever do it? Once again the answer is simple.

LOVE. I will do it because I love him. 

I’m staying at a hotel in downtown Edmonton with two of my very good friends. I think it would be easier if I just walk to my destination downtown, even though it’s dark out. I don’t give it much thought. Once again, I’m an adult and I’ve gotten used to having to look after myself. I’ve taken for granted the amount of time I’ve spent in my small towns and have forgotten the dangers of being a small girl in a sketchy part of the big city. My friend tells me no. He asks me not to because he doesn’t think it is safe. From the moment he said that it was settled for me. I’m not going. Why?

LOVE. I was able to easily set pride and preference aside and obey him because he cared about me.

I’m going to go ahead and fit this all into one post, so please forgive the length. I was prompted to write these obedience posts after fielding a few questions about my faith. It probably seems that Christians have a lot of rules or strange ideas - especially in this modern age. It’s even more confusing when they see people professing the term “Christian” while seemingly not practicing what that entails. I get this. I cannot speak for others and I sure want to do my best not judge them. Therefore I can only speak for myself. I am not a very good Christian yet. I mess up a lot. However, I continue to try to improve and live what I believe. A lot of this comes down to obedience - often times the hardest part! As I gain maturity in my faith I am finding that the best way to obedience is through love. So below you will find the best explanation of why myself and many others  are trying to be obedient to the teachings of Jesus. It might be the corniest thing you’ve read all week but then the best love stories are always on the corny side. 

There’s this really amazing guy I’ve come to know. He treats me like a princess. He’s always encouraging me and telling me that I’m beautiful and that he can’t wait to do a lot of great things with me. He is always there every time I call him and he listens to me, even when I’m being a silly, emotional, non-sensical girl. He comforts me, celebrates with me and he makes me want to be a better person. He’s kind of like a super hero because he’s always healing and saving people. He even gave his life to save me. I never want to leave him. He has promised He will never leave me. Not ever! The thing is, He has told me that if I trust him enough to live my life the way He asks, He will make me the happiest girl in the world. Sounds crazy eh? Some of the things He has asked me to do are harder than others, but they all seem to make sense. I told Him that I’m afraid I will fail and He said that he already knows that I will sometimes but other times my obedience will bring him so much happiness! He also says that if I want his forgiveness He will gladly give it to me anytime, any place. So you might wonder why I am doing what he asks of me. I might not always fit in with the rest of the world while I’m doing what He has asked of me. You might want to whisper about me or tell me that I’m crazy. That’s okay. You might have questions about our relationship and I’m more than happy to answer them as best I can. But if your question is why I’m trying to obey this incredible guy, then the answer is easy.

LOVE. Pure and simple.

Rules & Obedience: Part 2

So back to the obedience topic. I was trying to establish that when you’re immature in your understanding, like a child, you are basically coerced into obedience. If you were fortunate enough to have loving and mature parents this coercion was for your own good. In my personal observations, coercing children, though not as pretty of an experience, seems to have a much better long term effect than bribing children into obedience (which is what we tend to see a lot of these days in public; but I digress :).

There is no "right way" when you've
 been told to stop :)

Anyhoo, as you get older you start to understand how obedience, trust and rewards can become intertwined. I sincerely wish more teens would figure this out earlier - it would make the beginning of their adult lives so much easier and enjoyable 1.If you continually do as your parents ask, even when it doesn’t suit what you want to do, they notice. 2. They suspect you have developed maturity. 3. When your parents sense maturity coupled with obedience they develop trust in you. 4. Because they trust you, they let you do more without fearing for your safety. 5. You get to do fun stuff with your friends and develop a trusting relationship with your parents. Some teenagers go around trying to be stealthy and secretive - already having decided that their parents are unfair creatures. When teens are hiding parts of their life from the people that love them, parents get suspicious and they crack down. They can’t help themselves - it’s not in parental nature to trust a child that has not proven that they are indeed trustworthy. Teens that think that trust should be inherent are kidding themselves. Parents used to be teens too - of course they’re going to suspect you’re up to something if you are not being transparent. Teens often don’t realize that trust starts with obedience and is maintained with transparency. It sucks to be those teens. 

The teens that do figure this out reap the rewards of obedience. A fairly common rule in our house was that you had to have your homework done before you were allowed to do anything else. If you procrastinated about doing your homework, complained incessantly about having to do your homework or lied about doing your homework you could plan on being harped on, grounded and experience a lot of discord with Mom. On top of that, you missed whatever it was you were supposed to do with your friends and instead were stuck inside figuring out algebra. When I started a practice of coming home from school and immediately sitting down at the kitchen table, opening my books and getting my homework done and then getting any chores done before supper, my mom noticed. After a few months of my mom seeing me carry out this routine every day I never got asked the annoying question “is your homework done?”. She trusted that it would be - just as it had been every day for the past three months. She would also see the check mark beside my chores on the list and trusted that I done my share around the house. The results were phenomenal! I wasn’t continually feeling harassed by my mom to do my homework and chores and I felt like a good daughter for getting them done before being asked. Because I was consistently studying my school marks soared, and so did my social life and extra-curriculars because I was always able to attend. I liked these rewards - being obedient was pretty easy when you knew something good would come of it. By the time I was 17 years old and in Grade 12 I had an apartment and was living on my own two hours away from my parents. All just because I had been obedient to them and had earned their trust. 

This is no longer obedience through coercion. This is obedience through logic and reward. It’s efficient but it’s only effective when a certain maturity level is reached that allows you to figure out the logic behind obedience. This comes back around to why I’m inclined to think bribing your child with a reward in exchange for obedience is a bit lack lustre in effort.

I really am going somewhere with this, I promise. I realize it’s a bit of a strange topic. Hang in there with me. There’s at least one more part, if not two more in this strange little series.